She's A Lady

6

Damien

I am an idiot. The biggest, stupidest, most insane person on the planet. Erin probably thought I was an asshole now. Of all the things to say when a beautiful transwoman comes out to you, that was the worst. She probably thought I was talking about her. Too good to be true? You better kiss the ground she walks on after blurting that out. She was just as good and true as she presented herself and you know it. It is you who is the fuckup. 

I know you wanted to tell your mom you had fallen in love with a beautiful girl and wanted to have babies with her but that was cruel. How do you think she feels after saying something like that? You think it was her fault she wasn't born with a uterus? It's no more her fault than it's yours for having a dick that was damn near useless until she showed up. Now you have to make it up to her. Not just say you're sorry, but show her how you really feel. Show her she is perfect and enough.

No more thinking about your parents' expectations, you need to think about what you want. You are a grown man and you need to act like it. They have no say in grandchildren. Besides, you could always adopt. Whoa, back up a step there, tiger. Kids? You haven't even been on one real date before with the girl. Don't you think you are jumping the gun? Maybe that's what was so frightening about all this. Even after Erin's revelation, I still thought about a distant future together. I just got confused in the moment on how it would work.

Which I shouldn't have. Now that marriage was finally legal for same sex partners I had already thought about it. There was that really nice friendship two years back that you thought might have worked, so why was it different now? Because Erin was a transwoman? Was it because you were confused about if it made you gay or straight? Does it really matter what label you put on it? The world may see you as gay, you may see yourselves as straight, but really does it matter if you are happy?

In fact, that was the first thing that had popped into my head even as she blurted it out. Marriage, kids, a happy life, and I had just asked the poor woman out. If I wanted to make it even half as far then I really had to get my head on straight. No mucking this up. All those times you tried with someone you felt nothing for were just practice for the real thing. Erin. The woman I am in love with. Now keep it cool. No more mistakes. This is your future we are talking about.

Erin

The week felt like it dragged on and flew by all at the same time. One minute I was looking forward to the weekend and the next I was dreading it. Every time Damien walked by I held my breath, terrified he would change his mind or out me to the office. When he did stop to talk, it was great. He was gentle and hesitant when he asked me how my day was or how my work was going. He would smile almost shyly and he seemed as nervous and hopeful as myself.

Then Friday rolled around and was over. All I had to do was get through the morning. Max was over trying to help me relax and decide what to wear. Half my wardrobe had been considered and discarded. I was looking at three dresses laid out on the bed. The red one was great for building up my confidence, but I was worried it was too fancy. The blue one 'brought out my eyes' according to Max, and had a flattering cut. Last was the black one, usually the one I brought out when I wanted to get laid. It was really hot and was only up for consideration because of how badly I wanted this date to turn out in my favour.

"Do I get to see him when he picks you up?" Max had already asked me that at least three times. I glared at them. I touched the soft georgette of the blue dress and decided trying them on was the only way to pick at this point.

"No, you are going to either stay in the bedroom or leave before he shows up. I'm not ready to be introducing my friends yet. We don't even know if this is going to work, remember?" I pulled the dress over my head and let it settle over my hips. I looked in the mirror. The soft material draped nicely and really did make my eyes look fabulous. I hummed.

"If you're going for feminine, that one is really great. Why can't I meet him though? You've been talking about this sexy guy for weeks and now you want me to ignore the fact that he will be mere feet away. Try the red one on next." Max held it up by a sleeve as I shimmied out of the blue one. I grabbed it and put it on, turning so they could do up the back for me.

"This is technically our first date. I don't want to rush things. Introducing my best friend is not something you do on a first date. Next time, I promise I will introduce you. Okay?" Max grumbled a bit but nodded as we both assessed the red dress. The material was stiffer, a bright red satin with a tight waist and flared skirt. A bit of lace peeked out from the bottom, at the neck and sleeves to soften the stiff lines. Seemed more like something you'd wear to a ballet rather than a dinner though.

"Maybe I'm crazy but I think the black one is your best bet. Especially if you want to seduce the guy into staying with you. You did say he was attracted to you right?" I pulled the red one off after I was undone and tugged the black one over my head. The ruching was what transformed this simple black dress into a masterpiece. The soft cotton draped at the shoulders and then clung to every curve down to my thighs. Any shorter and it would be slutty, any longer and it would be impossible to walk in.

"I really hope so. I am attracted to him at least, so if he really does want to give this a whirl..." My voice just dropped off. Max nodded thoughtfully. I sighed and stared at my reflection. This would have been so much easier if I had just been born with female genitalia. Instead I was born a petite, feminine looking boy who loved to play dress up and read juicy romance novels. In them, the girl always got her man. What about me? Could a girl that the world screamed was a boy get her man?

"So, I'm confused. You think he's gay?" Max fiddled with the hem of the blue dress as I wriggled out of the black one. I threw it on the bed with the others and pulled on a loose cotton shirtdress.

"No, he thinks that he's gay. Maybe. He said he's usually attracted to guys, get stalked by girls, and doesn't feel comfortable with either. I guess it means he's not sure. I don't know, maybe he is just pansexual or something." I shrugged and flopped next to Max on the bed. I stared at the ceiling, like I had been doing for nearly the past week.

"Ok. Then he's probably pan and wants to date you. He asked you as a woman, even though he thinks he might be gay. He's fine with you being either, which is good mostly because then he didn't run like hell when you told him about your little problem." I scowled and whacked them with a pillow.

"Don't call it that." I curled up around the pillow I now clutched in my arms.

"Sorry, your little mister then. Speaking of which, are you going to do 'that'? Because you might have to tell him, you will need time off work, and it might change things..." They threw the dresses on a chair and laid out on the bed next to me.

"I don't know. I hate needles. Surgery sounds really scary. I want to but at the same time I am terrified something will go wrong and I can't be either. Or I will wake up and I won't be myself anymore. It may sound silly, but I've been this way for so long that I don't know if I can be any way else. Sometimes I wonder if I even want to." I blushed. I felt like I was under a microscope, but Max just grabbed me and gave me a tight hug.

"I know love. You know I will be here for you no matter what you decide." We just lay there snuggling for minutes. It was comforting.

"Thanks. I knew when I met you we were going to be best friends." I whispered.

"Oh yeah? You mean you weren't pissed off I took the last chocolate muffin and called you a girly man?" We both laughed at the memory of our first encounter.

"Nope. No more than you were at me calling you a scarecrow." I shot back. Max groaned and covered their eyes.

"Why would you bring that up again? I can't help it if I have a fast metabolism. Nothing sticks." I got up and headed to the door.

"Well, I will keep trying. What do you want to eat? I may be nervous, but I don't want to faint in front of him because I didn't eat a decent meal beforehand." I headed to the kitchen to grab food and didn't quite catch what they mumbled as I was going.