therapy ➳ park jimin

t w e n t y f o u r

Evan drove Jackson and I to the hospital immediately after breaking the news to us. Jackson almost forgot to bring the painting but thankfully remembered it just before we exited through the doors. 

"I think this painting is a lucky charm." Jackson smiles, pointing to it as he holds the canvas in his hands. 

We're currently sitting in the waiting room located just outside of Jimin's room. Visiting hour begins in a few minutes so we don't need to wait too long before visiting him. 

"I agree." 

I impatiently watch the hands click inside the clock opposite me. Eventually, the minutes that we were required to wait end and visiting hour arrives. 

"Can we see him now?" I ask Evan almost instantly. 

He's sitting on the chair opposite me, and unlike me, he has a good view of Jimin's room. 

"The nurse just walked out of his room, so I think we can." 

I practically jump out of my seat and my legs move so quickly I've reached the door in a matter of seconds. I push it open, my excitement blinding my manners as I forget to knock first, and rush towards Jimin. He barely has the chance to notice my presence before I'm by his bedside and hugging him tightly.  

"I've missed you so much," Jimin croaks, his voice appearing to be hoarse. "I'm sor-"

"You have nothing to apologise for, Jimin," I cut off his apology and place one hand on either side of his cheeks. 

"I do, I'm the worst boyfriend in the world. I'm selfish-"

I cut him off again, but this time, not with my words. Instead, I desperately press my lips to his to drown out the self hating words he speaks. Hearing him say those things about himself causes my heart to ache.  

"You're not selfish, Jimin. I love you-"

"But I don't deserve you." 

"Stop saying these things," I plead in a weak voice. Every word that he says is a dagger in me. "I love you, okay? If anything, it's me that doesn't deserve you. I'm here now and you're going to get better and everything will be okay, I promise, Jimin."

"It won't be okay, Lina. I thought it would be but if we get separated again I won't be able to cope. I woke up every morning, reminding myself to be happy for your sake, but, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find that happiness. I thought of you a lot and whenever I did, I smiled, even though I was hurting a lot on the inside." 

"Jimin..." I whisper, unsure what else to say. 

"My mum kept telling me that you didn't love me, that you stayed with me out of sympathy. That's what I started to believe, I thought I wasn't good enough for you. My mind told me that you deserved better than a pathetic boy like me." 

"That's insane, Jimin. Of course I'm not with you because I feel sorry for you. I love you with all of my heart and--" 

"I love you too," he whispers. "I'm sorry." 

"Stop apologising," I order softly, wiping away a tear that cascades down his soft cheek. "Jackson brought you a present, by the way."

Turning around, I see Jackson and Evan who are still standing by the doorframe. They look equally as upset, hearing the words that fall from Jimin's lips, but they smile regardless in an attempt to cheer him up. 

"I've missed you, Jimin." Jackson steps forward and holds the painting out to Jimin, who accepts it with a soft thank you. 

"I've missed you too, buddy," Jimin says, eventually smiling a little at the painting in front of him. "Did you do this?" 

"Lina helped me." Jackson smiles, judging my arm lightly. 

"It's amazing," Jimin chuckles and places it onto the small table beside his bed. "Thank you."

For some reason, I thought Jimin would be happy. I don't know why, I mean, he relapsed just days ago, but the naive side of me filled me with false hope that has already been destroyed. I thought the medicine he probably hadn't been taking would help, perhaps seeing me and his friends would cheer him, but no, he seems even sadder than the last time I saw him at his lowest. 

I can see through his false smiles and exaggerated laughs. I know him too well, well enough to know he's hurting a lot. The saddest thing is, is that I know there's nothing much I can do to make him feel better. 

I glance at the bandages on his wrists which suddenly trigger tears inside of my eyes. Before Jimin has the opportunity to notice them, I excuse myself with the lie of going to the bathroom. 

As soon as the door closes, I break down. I can't control my sudden tears as I'm overwhelmed with a great wave of sadness. Seeing the person you love in such a terrible amount of pain is enough for your heart to break. Seeing Jimin in pain is enough for my heart to collapse. 

I'm thankful for the relatively empty corridor as I slide down the wall and onto the tiled floor. I cry until my throat begins to ache and I can't seem to stop. Every time I begin to calm down I think about Jimin. 

After a few extra minutes of crying, I notice the door open beside me but I don't look up. A few seconds later, I sense a presence beside me. 

"Everything is going to be okay, you know. Jimin will get better, he's done it before and he'll do it again. I know it's hard, Lina, but you'll get through this and so will he. He loves you a lot, don't forget that."

"Thanks, Jackson." I smile appreciatively, finally feeling the tears coming to a halt. 

"That's what friends are for, Lina." 

--

an; i haven't updated in YEARS omg sorry

but here's an emotional chapter aw my hearteu

bEFore i FoRGettttt, i made a tumblr account and i'd love it if you guys followed me (i'll follow you back, if i figure out how to ((i don't really know what i'm doing on it))oops) my username is box-of-gold (cl waddup) but i haven't posted anything yet, sorry :( 

have a good day!!<3