daycare // hemmings

seventeen- make this feel like home

The mood severely dropped after a week.

Tobie had known it was going to be hard. Jamie didn't have a very high outcome, and so far with chemo, the doctors hadn't seen any progress, but they hadn't seen any regress, so Tobie, for once in her life, was trying to be positive.

While the boys were at the hospital, Tobie made runs home to get them clean clothes and stuff like that. But what they didn't know she was doing was preparing for the baby, which was late, and decorating the house for Christmas, which was a week away.

Needless to say nobody was feeling the holiday spirit.

"I'm gonna run home quick," she told Luke one day. He stared at the elevator down the hallway blankly, like he'd been doing all week. Tobie had given up even trying to tell him to get some sleep, because she'd be being a hypocrite. She hadn't slept either. She barely did anything all day except watch Luke watch the elevator, or go on runs for food with Mikey. But that was it.

"Okay." He deadpanned. He had circles under his eyes and a restless jitter in his foot. Tobie hadn't tried kissing him goodbye, a little scared he'd retaliate. So she rubbed his shoulder before leaving, a list of things everyone needed in her hand and her bag over her shoulder. Tracy, despite the doctor's orders, had been in the waiting room too, as long as everyone else. Mama Liz had gone home to check on everyone, but she'd be back soon. Ashton had skipped meetings at the studio all week, as had the rest of the boys. They had explained what was going on, and had taken their first "vacation" since they started releasing music, but it was hardly a getaway.

Tobie felt horrible. None of them deserved this. It wasn't fair, wasn't right. She often found herself asking what she and the boys had done to deserve this, what Jamie had done to deserve this. As she pulled into the driveway at home, she stared at the house, a blank look on her face. She could see the Christmas tree inside, the lights on it bright. And for a second, she saw herself. And Luke. And Michael, Calum, Ashton. Tracy and Jamie and a little baby. Pip and Kip. Everyone around the tree, smiling. Happy. But then she blinked and it was gone.

Just like that, she started crying.

Because it really sunk in with her then. She had understood that Jamie was sick when they told her about the tumor. She had heard that Jamie had one or two weeks left to live. She had heard that the little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl was most likely going to die. But now with Christmas only seven days away, she realized that the little vision she'd seen was probably not going to happen. No matter how much she believed in Jamie, there was the possibility that Jamie Hemmings could die.

Tobie wasn't ready for that.

Nobody was ready for that.

;

She visited Jamie that night. Since she was registered as family via Mama Liz, Tobie had access to Jamie after visitation hours, because Jamie was underage. Tobie went alone, and in a bag she carried a couple things she thought might soothe Jamie, and one thing Jamie didn't know existed. It was her Christmas present. Tobie figured now was better than later.

"Hey, rockstar," She said, closing the door gently behind her. Jamie sent Tobie a small smile from her bed.

"Hi, Tobie."

Tobie sat down next to Jamie's bed, putting her bag next to her on the floor. She took in Jamie now, wanting to make sure she knew that face. Lots of the features that she'd seen before at work or at home were still there, and it made her feel a little better. But there were the obvious differences. She'd matured too fast, so soon. So her smile was smaller, her eyes were darker. She went from happy-go-lucky five year old to my-life-is-over adult. They'd shaved her hair off because it was falling out, but Calum had brought her a little pink beanie with a white heart on the side, and Jamie wore it every chance she got. She was wearing it now.

"How are you feeling today, kiddo?" Tobie asked, smiling.

"Like a bag of poop," Jamie said, and a small giggle escaped her lips. Tobie laughed quietly. "But better, now. I saw everyone today."

"Did you?" Tobie asked. "How was it?"

"It was okay. Tracy said the baby wasn't ready to come out yet and see me. But soon! And Ashy said that you guys were all outside, which I don't get. Why aren't you at home?"

"Because we love you, Jamie," Tobie said. "We love you very much."

"I love you guys too," Jamie smiled. Then she went quiet, and Tobie could tell she wanted to say something, so she waited. Finally, after a minute, Jamie spoke up. "Tobie?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Why hasn't...why hasn't Daddy come to see me, like he did for Mommy?"

This one stopped her. It was so not what Tobie expected to hear from her. Jamie never spoke about her dad. Jeremy was kind of a rough spot with Jamie. He wasn't brought up and she didn't seem to care. But now Tobie rethought everything. What if Jamie had been wondering about her dad all this time she was with the boys? They were really taking on the father role in her life, but now she was in the hospital, and the boys were there, but her dad wasn't. Just like her mom's case, just reversed. Her father was there for her mother every day. With Luke and Liz on the other side of the world, they could only be there one day.

"I'm not sure, Jamie," Tobie answered honestly. "He hasn't said anything. To any of us."

"Does he love me?"

Tobie looked at Jamie. "Kiddo, I'm sure your father loves you, he's your dad-"

"Then why isn't he here? Everyone else is here."

How was Tobie supposed to answer that? What do you tell a five year old who's questioning whether their dad loves them?

"I'm not sure, sweetheart. I don't know."

Jamie nodded. "What's in the bag?"

;

"The last thing I've got for you is your Christmas present." Tobie said, taking out the wrapped box.

"From Santa?"

Tobie smiled. "No, Jamie, from me. Santa isn't here yet."

"Oh," she giggled. She had a picture of her with everyone now, including the pups, her blanket, her slipper socks, and a picture of her and Jackson that Tobie had found at home and brought in to help Jamie feel better when she and the boys weren't allowed to see her. And now Tobie had her gift.

"It's not a lot, just letting you know. But it's special."

Jamie nodded and unwrapped the box, and when she opened it, she smiled. "This was Mommy's."

Tobie smiled, too. "Yeah. Do you know how a locket works, Jamie?"

It was Jordyn's heart-shaped locket. Inside there was a picture of Jamie and her mom at a lake, and Jamie was all smiles. Tobie had found it in a box of Jordyn's stuff that Luke had, and when she proposed the idea of this being Jamie's Christmas present, Luke agreed.

"Yeah. I open it and there's a picture." She said.

"That's right," Tobie answered. She clipped the necklace around Jamie's neck and smiled. "And this means that no matter where you are, or how alone you may seem, we're all right here, and we all love you, so much."

Jamie smiled, and Tobie saw the brightness in her eyes. "I love you guys, too."