WHY WE BROKE UP | WROETOSHAW ✔️

THE FOURTEENTH LETTER [NOT SENT]

THE FOURTEENTH LETTER [NOT SENT]

harry,

the twist that knotted itself in my stomach when i called you yesterday was unimaginable. you must have been waiting because you picked up after the second ring and startled me with a loud, sudden hello.

i laughed and repeated the greeting. for a moment there was a little silence as if we were taking a moment to let it all sink in: we were on the phone with one another for the first time in two years.

but then you asked me how i was, if i'd found a job and a new home ok. things just flowed from there. i asked you about your channel and how it was going. honestly, i was happy to be talking to you.

i felt infinite.

i felt endless.

i never wanted it to end.

we must have talked for hours, harry, but that was ok. it was more than ok. it was amazing; amazing just to hear your voice again. it reminded me of everything good we had, but it reminded me of everything i lost.

it made me realise many, many things. one of which being that i should never have let you go. i already knew that, but i think before we spoke that i was just saying that to myself because i regretted everything i did to you. now it's different. now i'm saying it because i know i can hold onto you now.

i hope through all of that you understood one thing: i want you back.

i'm not just saying that because I've forgotten and forgiven all the bad things. i'll probably never forget all the bad times, but i can forgive you for them. i think i already have. writing these letters has made me realise that most of the time i drove you to the reasons why, so I've learnt from it and moved on.

it's funny how i started writing these letters to you in an attempt to move on from you, but i found myself falling in love with you all over again.

instead of moving on from you, i moved on from the bitter side of myself and shifted into the new marnie french that is honest, truthful and has just the right amount of love for you.

maybe that's why i said yes when you asked me to meet you for coffee in two days time. i said it without even thinking and, to me, that's brilliant because i'm such an over thinker and a worrier, but when it comes to you i know what i want.

i'm not sending this to you.

i'll see you in two days.

forever yours,
love, marnie x