Lifeless (lashton: completed)

chapter six.

tw // mentions of self harm in this chapter

As he picked the limp boy up, he started performing the hiemlich. Tears of anxiety raced down his face, blood from the blow to the head dripped down lukes forehead at a rapid pace. After thrusting his chest repeatedly, he heard luke cough hard.
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"L-luke? luke are you..-" Ashton couldn't finish his sentence, he was too overwhelmed. He swallowed his tears and put the boy back into the wheelchair. Luke sat with his head tilted since he couldn't move it himself. He was lifeless. His eyes were duller than before. The only thing that returned to normal was his skin colour due to the oxygen regain. As Ashton fixed his arms and head, he went to get a damp cloth for the gash. "You know..." Luke began to speak, "You could've let me die." Luke glared straight forward without even acknowledging Ashton attempting to heal the wound. "W-why would I do that?" Ashton retorted.
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"Cause I would've been happy for once. Death....is the only thing that would put a smile back on my face." Ashton was speechless, he continued to patch the gash. An awkward silence rose in the room, the only sound that was heard was the occasional water droplet falling from the faucet and the cheeky birds singing hymns outside.
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Three hours past and nothing eventful happened. The afternoon really shook up Ashton, he couldn't calm down even when luke offered to watch a movie with him. They ended up watching Forrest Gump, luke occasionally glanced over at Ashton holding onto the pillow for dear life when he heard gunfire from the sound bar. After an hour or so into the movie, Luke spoke.
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"Ashton? Could I.... sit next to you?" He had sincerity in his voice, almost cracking with shyness. Ashton sprung up and didn't even try to hide his smile. He quietly picked up the boy and slid him onto the couch. He propped pillows next to him so he would feel comfortable. Before Ashton even realized, he had put an arm around the fragile boy. Luke knew, but didn't say anything. He felt the tension settle, he felt normal. The warmth from Ashton's arm around his neck made joyous rays radiate inside luke. The last time he felt this way was his 'first kiss' from his ex girlfriend when he was fifteen. He absorbed the feeling, and it all came crashing down. Luke knew he couldn't ever be happy again, he knew he would never be lucky enough to have someone like Ashton as his boyfriend. The movie was hushed as the voices in his head were rather demanding and harsh. "He's not gay. He wouldn't want to date a cripple like you. You're pathetic. You're a depressed loser who dreams of suicide." Luke tried his best not to tear up. When Ashton asked why luke was crying, Luke convinced him it was because of the movie. Bubba's death, to be exact. But little did he know, it was because he wanted Ashton to be his. Before the voices started stirring up again, he looked at the clock. It was 6:30. It was almost time for a shower.
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Ashton searched the linen closet for a fresh towel and a washcloth. Luke sat in the bathing chair pitying himself. His eyes were fixated on the ground, on his pale useless feet. He couldn't wash himself, shampoo his hair, he couldn't even shave the stubble he calls his beard. He heard Ashton wander back into the bathroom clutching a towel and slowly stripping luke of his clothes. First came the shirt, then the pants, and the underwear was last. He started the water with no emotion, he wanted to make sure luke was as comfortable as possible. He lathered his hair with shampoo, telling him to keep his eyes shut to avoid burning. Ashton placed a bar of soap on Luke's thigh while he adjusted the water, luke stared and sighed. Ashton happened to catch the look of disappointment and silently told himself he would fix this. He wanted to make luke happy, he wanted to show luke life wasn't all that bad.
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As he washed his delicate feet, he dropped the soap. Searching for it, his shirt was drenched in shower water. He heard a faint giggle come from luke. Ash continued to do little things that brought joy to luke. He knew he hated showering, he hated being naked and he always had a fear of water. After wrapping a fluffy towel around his body, he fixed Luke's legs. Then came blow drying his cotton candy scented quiff, followed by a smile. "What about that beard of yours?" Ashton looked in the medicine cabinet for a razor. He did this at home quite often, except there was no need for shaving. His fingers were callused from separating the plastic from the metal. He knew luke was staring as he silently pulled off the blade protector.
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"Ash... we don't have to do this... I know-" Ashton turned around. He was amused by his new nickname, but at the same time he knew how sincere luke was. "I'm-I'm two days clean. It's fine." He closed the cabinet and filled the sink with warm water. He obtained shaving cream from a shelf and swished the razor around in the water. Softly applying the cream to Luke's cheeks, he smirked. He felt Luke's dimples as he made his way down to the jawline.
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As he was shaving luke, he saw the blonde boy shed a tear. "Luke? Did I hurt you?" His smile slowly faded to sadness, as usual. "N-no, but you hurt yourself." His eyes slowly met Ashton's, this was a different kind of sad. This wasn't a depressed sad, this was a genuine sadness. Luke cared for Ashton. Ashton never seemed to notice, he thought no one would ever care for such a broken boy that comes from such a broken home. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
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"It's not hurting myself if I enjoy it." Ashton snapped back. He wasn't sure if he raised his voice, so many emotions filled him he couldn't control his actions. "THEN WHAT DO YOU CALL THOSE SLASHES ON YOUR WRIST." Luke screamed back, tears cascading down his now-soft cheeks. "I CALL THEM COMFORT. ITS THE ONLY THING THAT DISTRACTS ME FOR THE SHIT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH." He got so angry, he threw the razor onto the granite floor. Luke stared, that's all he was good at. He couldn't rub Ashton's back, or hug him to show his sympathy. He just sat. When the awkward tension got too much for him, he silently ordered to be put to sleep. He took one last glance at Ashton's exposed wrist and shuttered.
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He went down the road.