treat you better ; shawn mendes

twenty-one

Riley's POV
"Riley, no! For the past two months you have been at that hospital. You have been practically living there and it's not healthy! I understand that you love him but you cannot keep going to see him every waking moment of your life! You need to start focusing on school!" Mum yells at me when I announce I'm going to the hospital to see Shawn.

"What?! Why not?! Mum, listen to me. I have to be there when he wakes up." I urge.

"Honey, that's what you have been saying every single day for the past two months. I doubt he will wake up today. You can visit him on the weekend. But for now you need to focus on your homework." She says angrily. I groan and stomp my foot on the ground like a five year old.

"I do not need to go school or do homework to learn about a stupid cell inside of a leaf! I need to focus on real life, and right now that's visiting Shawn in hospital while he is in a COMA!" I yell. I fold by arms and my oversized sweater reaches well over my fingertips.

"I understand exactly how you're feeling but you need to focus on the bigger picture here. Shawn will wake up. But your life will not turn around unless you do something about it. You have an eating disorder, you have anxiety, I've been told that people at your school - even teachers - think you're becoming suicidal. Riley this is not good for you! I know that Shawn means everything to you but so does your life!"

"Do you think I'm suicidal?" I say quietly and calmly. Mum sighs, realising that what she just said slipped out accidentally, and looks down at the ground. I hold my gaze on her and I can feel my lip quiver. Do people really think I'm on the verge of killing myself?

"I- I.... I don't know what to think. All I know is that you aren't as happy as you used to be. Ever since Shawn was in hospital, you've changed." Mum says calmly.

"Do you ever think that maybe it's because the one person that made me happy is not here anymore?" I ask. Mum walks up to me and pulls me into a hug but I push her away.

"Riley?" She asks, hurt and offended that I pushed her away. But I don't want to be touched.

"Forget it. No one understands me. No one gets how hard it is to do this. Everyone thinks I'm a pathetic little teenager who relies on her little boyfriend to stay alive." I mock.

"Riley, no one thinks that. We know you're hurt." Mum says as she tries to hug me again but I take a step back.

"Cut the bullshit. I know that's what everyone thinks! That I'm pathetic." I say as a tear slides down my cheek, "I'm pathetic... But you have to understand that Shawn was the only person that I could actually talk to. When Jack died, I couldn't even talk to you about it. I talked to Shawn about it at three in the morning. What if he dies, huh? What then?! I'm going to be completely alone." I whimper.

"You're not going to be alone. I'm your mother. I'm always going to be there for you." Mum begins.

"Stop! You're my mum! I love you, I really do. But you're not the person I want to console me. I need Shawn." I say as I begin to walk out the front door.

"Riley come back here! Don't you dare leave this house!" I can hear mums heavy footsteps approaching me but I ignore it and walk straight out the door and slam in behind me. I quickly run to my car and drive out the driveway before mum can stop me. I wipe my tears away and try to forget about it. I have to see Shawn. I don't care about any stupid homework that is irrelevant to my life. Shawn is relevant to my life and I need to see him. I don't won't to risk him waking up and being completely alone.

I know it's a long shot that he could wake up today, and I've been saying that exact same thing for months: that he will wake up. But this is not good for me and I know it. I've lost so much weight from not eating and I've been isolating myself from everyone. My family, friends, teachers and even the nurses at the hospital are worried about me. I don't care. I have to do what I have to do to be there for Shawn, whether he wakes up... Or not.

•

"I had a huge fight with my mum this morning just because she didn't want me to come and see you. She thinks this is consuming my life. I mean, she's not wrong. But I'm not wasting time by coming here although so many people see it that way. I hear so many people at school whisper things like, 'why doesn't she give up already?' or 'doesn't she have a life?'. I'm learning how to tolerate those comments more and more. God, Shawn. I hope that when you wake up you'll remember me and you will know how much I've given up to be here for you. I want you to know how much I love you. Because I really do. You said you could treat me better than he could... And you did." I say in barely a whisper. Every possible emotion I've been bottling in for so long is starting to pour out. I can't take any of this anymore, "Shawn I need you." I begin to cry. I take his hand in mine and run my fingers along his. I rest my head on the edge of his bed and cry. My eyes begin to fall sleepy and I can feel myself starting to sleep. But before I do, I whisper one more thing to him, "I love you."

•

I wake up to something squeezing my hand gently. I slowly get up and rub my eyes and see that I'm holding Shawn's hand still... Shawn squeezed my hand.

"Shawn?!" I say in complete disbelief. His hair is a tangled but cute mess and his mouth scrunched up as he groans. I watch as his eyes start to move before they flutter open and he moves his hand to rub his tired eyes.

"Shawn!" I cry with happiness as I bend down and kiss him. I kiss his lips, I kiss his jaw, I kiss his neck, cheeks and nose. "I'm so sorry for everything. This was all my fault. You will not believe how much I've missed you. I'm so sorry. I forgive you for everything that happened at that stupid party. I love you. I love you so so much." I say as happy tears streak down my face. Shawn smiles slightly but looks at me with a confused expression.

But it's what he says next that completely tears my heart in two.

"Who are you?"

Then it hits me. He doesn't remember who I am...