Till My Last Breath

Part 5

Part Five

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Everyday went smooth. Masaya silang kasama. As in matatawa ka nalang talaga pero syempre nagpa-practice pa rin kami. I can't help but to smile everytime I'm with them.

Di mo lang alam
Naiisip kita
Baka sakali mang maisip mo ako
Di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa gabi
Inaasam makita kang muli

Nasabay  sa akin si Ryder dahilan upang mapatingin ako sa kanya. Napapapikit siya minsan. Tamang tama siguro sa kanya yung kanta.

Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahan
Panahon at ngayon
Ako'y iyong iniwan
Luhaan sugatan di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang
Kung hindi mo lang alam
Sana nagtanong ka lang, di mo lang alam

Napapapikit ma rin talaga ako. Ito yung kantang sapul talaga eh. Sapul to the bones.

Di mo lang alam
Ako'y yung nasaktan

Pagkatapos nang huling linyang iyon ay nagpasalamat na kami sa audience. Nagpalakpakan sila sa amin. Two weeks nalang at  Battle of thw Bands na. Minsan sa practice namin ay nahihilo ako. Minsan maguhulat sila kapag sabay na inuubo at sinisipon ako. Inasar pa nga ako ni Miguel na sipunin at ubuhin. I just wish na sana malakas pa rin ako hanggang sa Battle of the Bands.

I'm so glad that Ryder is going well. Hindi na siya yung masungit. I just can't believe that he can smile and laugh with us now.

"Woooh, simula lang talaga nang pumasok ka sa bamda Zhaniah tsaka nakapag-move on 'yang si Ryder! Inlababo na yata sa'yo" sabi ni Miguel habang nagpa-practice kami noon,nang makita niyang nagtatawanan kami ni Ryder. Binatukan naman siya ni Ralph doon, nakitawa lang din si Ryder.

Bumaba na kami sa stage. Uminom naman kaming apat ng bottled water.

"Ano dre, move-on na ba?"bungad naman ni Miguel.

"I think I need 5 % more for that. " sabi ni Ryder na siya namang bumaling sa akin. Bahagya akong nag-iwas ng tingin dahil alam kong namumula ang pisnge ko.

For the two weeks na magkakasama kami. I learned more about him. Mas nakilala ko siya. Nagkaroon kami ng pagkakaunawaan. Siguro I like him. Yeah, I like him. But I know he can't like or love me too much. Kagagaling lang niya sa heartbreak and I don't want to add that. I don't want to leave him but I know I can't promise that. I felt bad for that.

Naramdaman kong medyo nahilo ako. Medyo nagdidilim ang paningin ko at sumakit ang ulo ko. Medyo napahawak ako sa may pader.

"Are you alright Zhaniah?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Ryder dahilan upang mapatingin din ang nag tatawan na si Ralph at Miguel.

"I-Im okay. Pagod lang siguro."sabi tsaka pilit na ngumiti "Oo,nga pala, I need to go. Hinahanap na ako ng mommy ko "

"Hatid na kita" offer no Ryder

"Hindi na kaya ko na 'to" sabi ko tsaka pilit na ngumiti.

Wala na silang nagawa dahil pumara na agad ako ng taxi.

"Saan po kayo ma'am?"tanong ng taxi driver

"Sa Perpetual Hospital po"

Agad akong nag bayad bago bumaba. Habang nasa loob ako ay tinext ko ang Hematologist ko na si Mrs. Elizabeth Labutap  - Vicencio bago ako tumulak sa clinic niya. Buti nandon pa siya. Nag overtime para sakin. She have been good Hematologist to me. She was the one who encouraged me to take chemoteraphy but sadly I refuse it.

Kumatok muna ako sa clinic niya.

"Come in" sabi niya kaya pumasok na ako.

"Oh, It was you! Ms. Del Franco So... have you change your mind?" nakangiting bungad niya sa akin

"Uhm.. Mrs.Vicencio,can you explain what my condition is?" I badly need to know a more about it.

"So...you have a stage 3 Acute Myeloid Leukemia, as I said the first time you came at my clinic , it is a cancer of the Myeloid line of blood cells, characterized by the rapid growth of abnormal white blood cells that accumulate in the bone narrow and interfere with the production of normal blood cells. Actually your condition is commonly affecting on men pero meron din naman sa women and isa ka sa nagkaroon noon. In order to kill your cancer cells,you have to undergo on chemotheraphy and hematopoietic stem cell transplant. But according to research,mas effecttive ang chemotheraphy....if you want to survive for a long time"one thing our personality matched. The being straight forward.

I just thought about the people around me. The people who keep on loving me. My family who always there, my friends, Which Option including Ryder. Somehow, I felt that I should live more. I want to live. I want to live with them.

"I am ready to undergo chemotheraphy"

I want to live. I want to live more

"So are you ready to know its side effect?"

"Y-yeah,can you tell me the side effects of chemotherapy?"

"So...at first you'll vomit everything out and when you have nothing left to vomit,you'll feel weak. You will not have the appetite to eat anymore and the one scariest feeling is when you're going to lose your hair but don't worry, if it can make you feel worse, it can kill or at least suppress those cancer cells from spreading."

"Pero...kumakalat na ba yung cancer cells ko?"

"Let's test it"

So after that we're made those session. There we're some medicines and different apparatus like that.

"So how was it?" I asked her

"Your cancer cells already spread and I'm giving you a  two-year span of living. " bigla akong natakot sa narinig ko.

"But don't worry,di pa sila gaano nakakakalat. They still not yet reaching on your heart and lungs kaya pwede pang maagapan."she gave an encouraging smile...

"So you mean, na makakaabot sila doon"

"Yeah. So as long as possible, you have to undergo on chemo to prevent the spreading of cancer cells and in that way they won't reach your heart and lungs...so we have to schedule the chemotherapy, right now, by the way,nasaan na pala yung mommy mo? Alam na ba ng pamilya mo ang desisyon mo?"

Hindi ko pa nasabi kay mommy at sa pamilya ko ang tungkol sa plano ko na pagpapa-chemo but they already encouraged me about it, I just refused before.

"Not yet."

"You need to tell them immediately. In doing this session, you should have a parental support because your condition is not just like ordinary disease, Zhaniah, that's cancer. Remember that. Pag 'di ka lalaban, talo ka agad. You have to fight. " she said while looking at my eyes seriously.

I have an acute myloid leukemia. There's a possibility that I would last for only one year or shorter. I'm just eighteen years old and yet I'm experiencing this kind of life. All I know this time is that I have to fight. I need to fight. For the people I love and cared for me.

That's all I think while I'm heading on the door of our mansion.

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