What is Love? I+C (GirlXGirl) (Editing)

Chapter 2

i looked around at all of the poeple in my school.

when is the last time i had feelings for anyone?

two years ago, in tenth grade i was head over heels for a guy. but he didnt pay any attention. And that crushed me, i really felt like i loved this guy.

i now realize that i didnt love him, i was infatuated, but because i thought he understood me.

he didnt though.

how many boy friends have you had?

two. i had one in ninth grade, it lasted two weeks. and i had one at the begining of my senior year. it only lasted a week...

sometimes i think i have trust issues. or maybe love issues. i just cant feel anything for anyone.

and thats how this whole thing started, i started to question myself.

what if im looking for love in the wrong sex. what if my one true love, my price or princess is out there. im just not looking hard enough.

my whole life i had spent telling people i was as 'straight as a pole'. but now, im not so sure.

have you ever felt an attraction towards a girl?

yes. once when i was drunk. but when i woke up next to a nude female, well i freaked out and left. then i stopped talking to her. that, and many other reasons.

but i didnt mind, i was drunk. i hardly even remember any of that anymore.

have you ever had sex? with what gender.?

a couple of times. once with a girl, and the rest with guys, but we werent together. i think its because i was feeling alone. i felt like no one loved me, and i wanted to feel loved.

but i was drunk every single time.

when did you start to doubt your sexuality?

honestly, when Winter break started. it was because of my lesbian friend, and no its not because im attracted to her. im not really sure why.

maybe its because a girl can understand me better than a guy can. well i think that.

who are you attracted to now?

well a guy in particular, but its only a physical attraction. i think he's hot. and honestly id have sex with him, but i wouldnt want anything else with a player like that.

does anyone spark your interest?

no, thats why im doing this, because i dont feel attracted to anyone. no one excites me. i feel like i have a void in need of filling.

but who can fill it.

i looked up at my english teacher that was going on and on about a book wriiten by shakespear, but i have read most of his books, i dont feel like paying attention.

i stared at the paper in front of me, the paper with questions written down, i wrote those questions one day while bored. and now, im answeing my own questions. im trying to find myself.

i sighed in defeat, maybe im emotionally crippled.

maybe thats the problem, i grew up my whole life with guys, and now i dont even know what to think.

i dress like my brothers. kind of, yes i wear skinny jeans, but who doesnt. i do wear guy shirts, shoes, and sweaters.

i look like a guy, or so people tell me.

i even act like a guy. i would rather spend my time playing video games or reading.

i hate shopping, all my clothes are either black, blue, purple, or burgandy. and maybe grey.