Mimi (BWWM)

risks

TORI POV

I woke up fighting my eyelids that seemed to be sealed shut. An arm was wrapped around my waist and straight short hairs were tickling my neck. Jumping a bit before realizing it was just Eric, i let out a sigh. My clothes were still on...my wrap was still in place. But then I remembered;

we didnt have sex last night.

I looked up to the ceiling- stretching my eyes out and trying to adjust them to the beaming sun through the window. Eric was out like a light. His heavy snores filled the room along with the constant ringing coming from outside the window. Moving his extremely heavy arm, I sat up against the headboard. Taking a deep breath I stared at the gray sheets and the way his peach skin contrasted them. 

All I did last night was dream. And every dream consisted of me with a baby and I couldn't understand why.  I haven't thought about my miscarriage since the rape happened years ago-but maybe after the close slip up with Eric, my subconscious was running wild. 

I watched his broad chest rise and fall at a steady pace. Would I have really gone through with killing our kid if I did end up pregnant? Getting caught up in my thoughts I didnt notice the shifting in the bed. Eric propped himself up on his elbow facing me. He took his other hand and wiped the bit of slobber on the side of his mouth. 

He then started rubbing his eyes as his dark brown hair was all over his head. When he finally adjusted out of his sleep he looked at me with those vibrant green eyes. I felt like he was staring into my soul so I diverted the gaze back to the gray sheets. "Have a good sleep?" he asked drawing circles in my leg that I had in a crisscross position. "honestly?" I asked him now making eye contact. He sat straight up now to look at me face to face. He pulled me out of my crisscross position and into his lap. My legs wrapped around his waist and his arms secured me around my back. 

He rested his forehead against mine just waiting on me to further explain. "i......i kept having these dreams...about a baby that was mine" I said lowly with my hands secured in my lap. He drew his head back to look at me again. "are you thinking about babies?" he asked squintting his eyes. I closed mine. I had to hell him. I mean why not. Hes the first guy that didnt run when I told him I was raped. This would do him in for sure.

I took a deep breath and stared at his perfectly toned chest trying to think of a way to get this out-do it lightly? ease into it? or just get to it?

"I was pregnant" i said not really thinking straight. He went rigid as he still held onto me. "you killed my baby?" he hesitated with tears threatening to come. "what? no! no! not your baby! Eric when I was raped i got pregnant. and im honestly happy I miscarried." I said not being able to look at him. His hold on me wasn't rigid anymore, but more soft and welcoming. He rubbed my neck as my tears couldnt be stopped. My hands went to cover my face as I tried to hide my embarrassment. He peeled them away now holding my hands in his. He placed a soft lingering kiss on my temple as my tears continued to fall. 

"im sorry that happened you" he said softly kissing the side of my face. "you dont ever deserve that" .

"you want a baby?" I asked wiping my face with the back of my hand. "huh?" He asked a bit taken back. "Do you.want.a.baby?" I asked him again.

I came to terms that I probably would never find the one-or even one to remotely love me enough to want a family with me. But I knew Eric wanted a child-id love a baby and with our financial state we could easily give them a great life.

I knew he was a sincere person and he would never leave a child fatherless. "Yes? No of course I do" he said taking his hands through his hair. "Well how about in 9 months?" I said now pushing him back to the bed. I straddled him waiting on a response.