Broken, but Fixed. Okay, yet Dying

I tried.

Sometimes I wonder if he has any remorse for what he did to me.

I wonder if he cares at all that he hurt me.

I wonder if he wishes that he could change that night.

I wish I could change that night. I wish I was never put in that position.

He took something from me that should've been taken by someone I love.

Someone I truly cared about.

But no.....because of that night I am forever changed.

I am almost miserable.

As the cuts on my wrist say so to.

All because of him

I jump at the sound of someone calling my name from afar.

I flinch when I'm touched. Even if it's by my friends.

2 years and almost 5 months.

That's how long ago it was.

Yet I still have nightmares. I still have flashbacks.

I am scared.

I am hurt.

Why'd it have to be me?
Why'd I have to walk home that night?
Why couldn't have I just stayed put?

If I had, it wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't be scared. I wouldn't feel the need to lock myself away. I wouldn't have fear rushing through my body 24 hours a day.

I feel gross...

I feel disgusting...

I feel worthless....

I feel stupid...

I feel used.....

I feel mistreated...

I feel like it's my fault....

I should've found a way to stop it from ever happening....

But I couldn't....

I tried...

Believe me....

I did try..