lets

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Tears slam on the back of my hands as they're digging recklessly. 

Nails filled with muck, hands shaking cold.

Ruby, just breath. He's here. 

Inhale. 

Exhale. 

He's here, I just have to dig harder. 

Everywhere. 

Where could he be? 

I throw myself to the other corner of the backyard and continue the hunt there. 

Ripping through the roots of Lavenders. Displacing the soil. 

A ripple of him pleading to me "Come on lets play" 

It echoes like waves. It passes through me. 

"Im closer, just dig deeper. Come on Ru" An overtone. 

oh my god. Im close. My breathing runs fast. 

Im close. 

IM CLOSE.  

My fingers can't feel much at this point but I come to an ending. I found something, I attempt to remove the grime off of it. It's bumpy and soft, somewhat round and a bunch of long strands of something? 

Is it him? 

I try to wipe off the tears with my hands but they only make it worse. The mud covers my eyes. 

I rub off the filth of my hands on my thighs and grab the collar of my nightgown to clean my eyes or at least help me see.  

what is it?

My vision is clearing up, I'm getting to see it.

Its.. 

                                him.. 

though, solely his head and slashed neck. 


 His eyes and mouth wide open. 

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I wake up at dawn when I hear my mother standing over me. Crying while my father holds her in one arm while the other is holding a blanket.

I'm shivering blue, holding my actual finding. A deflated football. 

I try to talk but my teeth keep clattering and my eyes are too strained with all the weeping that I can't look up for too long. 

Dad bends down to cover me with the blanket and picks me up into the living room sofa. A cup of tea and a pill to get me back to sleep without the dreams. 


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