Treasure hunt

10

Alright, I need ice cream.

It's been a few weeks since the incident by the cliff. I haven't been sleepwalking but I've been having vicious nightmares every day. In every dream there was a woman screaming, no words deciphered, though, as if they were blurred out. I assume it's better than digging through the backyard and almost falling off cliffs. It's a huge change like Dr. Arlo would say, I don't know why it stopped, but I have a feeling it has to do with the words Eric said to me. 

It's not your fault. 

As if he didn't say it to make me feel better but that it actually wasn't my fault. Nonetheless, I stopped seeing Dr. Arlo. My mother has actually been okay with it, she hasn't told me off or asked why. She just said if I feel I need a break from it then that's what I should do but eventually, I should come back to therapy, either with him or another therapist. But then again, she knows nothing about my midnight cliff adventures. I blame him for that night. He got me so worked up I snored my way to death. He was supposed to make me feel better instead of ruining me even more. The whole thing fucked me up beyond belief, I didn't leave the bed for days. 

It's not your fault.

I kept pacing back and forth around my room that dawn trying to work out what he meant by that. Did he mean that I wasn't the reason for his death or I was but it's fine, I'm forgiven? I'd dismiss it if I found myself digging someone else's lawn but I practically walked in the freezing cold to meet my dead brother. 

That, I can't dismiss.

Odyn's glare was also, unfortunately, haunting. It felt like he knew how to pierce his expression unto my subconscious for the lasting effect of how vile and pitiful I am. I suppose it's true, I just didn't want him to know that. 

I opened the door to my room taking a deep breath and left. 

As I get to my typical ice cream place, I hint a guy's figure resting on the concrete wall beside Baskin Robins, his head tilted upwards towards the depressing evening sky, hands in his pocket. By the time I get close enough its too late. 

before I got to turn around I heard my name, sharp and loud, in his rough voice "RUBS". I felt sudden nausea, my knees too weak to hold me and my heart pumping too loud in my ear drums. He was in front of me when I turned to him. His tall handsome self, now with his hair resting on his shoulders. The random thought of how glorious his hair was whereas mine was a total mess, but then again I barely take care of myself. I attempted to look at him straight at his eyes but less than a second of that and I blushed with shame and my palms started sweating. It was silent until he spoke again, hesitant at first "I was in front of Baskin Robins every day for three weeks Rubs, I'm just glad I finally saw you." I'm still silent, terrified and surprised about his appearance, patience as well. "Look, I wanted to apologize" That's when I looked at him for more than a second, astonished. He saved my pathetic life, why is he sorry? 

"What you did, I freaked out, I didn't know what to think of it" he doesn't look at me to say this, "I shouldn't have yelled at you or left like that, I should've asked if you were going to be okay, I should've-" he pauses, now holding my gaze, remorseful, "Rubs, I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

He attempts to reach for my face, I panic a little but then I held still, eyes closed. One hand caressed my chin while the other wiped the tears I failed to detect off my cheeks. His touch sent shivers down my spine. The words I tried to utter were too heavy in my mouth "I-I didn't want to kill myself." The last words broke off as my face got hot and the tears started streaming. Confused but also caring he wraps an arm around my neck and brought me to his torso. He smelled like fall in winter. It felt too nice to be held by someone the tears flowed, I hiccuped my sobs for a few of minutes on his chest.

We're in the ice cream store with both our usuals, sitting in the corner. I told him how it was just me sleepwalking. At first, Odyn was surprised people actually sleepwalked let alone do so near a cliff. I told him about the loss of my brother and how I lost my shit. He mostly just listened as I told him my whole life story. 

"You should go back" 

Confused "what?" 

"You should go back to your therapist. I mean, you stopped sleepwalking, you left the house,  and you're opening up to someone, that's immense progress and I have a feeling he helped with that. Plus, maybe there's another reason he cares so much about that night. What if he knows something." The last sentence stuck. 

He knows something. 

Is that why he kept asking?