Perennial

Chapter 16 -- Perennial

When I wake the next morning and remember what happened last night, I immediately berate myself for letting my guard down. I'm not supposed to be forming any attachments right now. I'm not even planning on staying; making friends will only make it harder to leave. (Because contrary to popular belief, I actually do have a heart and it hates me when I disappoint my friends.)

If Psaqua notices that I'm feeling slightly more stressed than normal, she doesn't say. She only casts me her usual quizzical glances and goes about her business.

I drag my feet to breakfast, knowing that Aether will be there. It's not that I don't want to see him, I do. It's more that I'm not sure how to act around someone you've spilled your guts to and are now wishing you hadn't - at no fault of theirs.

Fortunately breakfast isn't as awkward as I thought it would be. Everyone else at my table, including Aether, dismisses any "off" behavior as a side effect of my being weird and antisocial.

I guess that's not too far off from the truth.

Walking to my first class with Aether isn't as awkward as I thought it would be, either. He acts the way he always has, friendly but respectful of the boundaries I've set up around myself. He doesn't even allude to last night. It's like it never happened.

Our first class (Biology, again) also goes smoothly.

Things only began to feel weird afterward, when he tells me he can't walk me to my next class.

"You should be able to make it there by yourself, right?"

In truth, I think I've known my way around for over a week now, but I prefer Aether's calming presence while in the crowded hallways. I've always hated crowds, they're suffocating.

"Sure," I smile and pretend I'm not panicking.

It would be extremely embarrassing to admit to him that he's my security blanket when it comes to my claustrophobia.

He smiles back, waves goodbye, and then disappears into the halls.

I'm on my own now.

I swallow, and then dive into the crowd.

The streets of Paradis are never very crowded, not unless it's a rush hour. The schedule I had when I was living there (if you could call it a schedule) was built around avoiding the car and foot traffic, so I never had to deal with crowds much there. Here, I have no choice.

I keep to the walls, avoiding the center of the hall. It's not really any less crowded here than anywhere else, but it is something to stick by.

I can relax a little only when the crowd starts to break up.

It really is too bad the relief doesn't last longer than a few seconds. It doesn't take long to notice that Tenacity is here, watching me.

I look directly at her and frown, only one word crossing my mind: Why?

I don't have time for her drama. I'm trying to get to my next class. Besides that, I don't want her even glancing in my general direction, let alone watching me. To make matters worse, Tenacity's gaze is the kind that bores into you and makes you want to shrink into yourself. I hate that feeling.

The ability to turn invisible would be so handy right now.

Ironically, Aether can turn invisible. It figures that the one time I need him, he isn't here. Having another confrontation with Tenacity is not very high on my to-do list. We may have similar interests (aka "How in the world is Aether's mind so impenetrable?") but they're not something I want to talk about with her.

I pick up my pace as I walk down the hallway, but it's too late. Before I can get away, she slides into step next me.

"How are you holding up?" she asks.

I level her with a flat look and respond in a flat tone. "Why would you care?"

"I don't," she admits easily, "but it's polite to ask. Any more theories on Aether?"

Not really. I've been worrying over other things more recently.

"No, and if I did have any more theories I don't think I'd tell you."

Tenacity shrugs. "You might surprise yourself."

"If you're so determined to find out what's wrong with him, why don't you just talk to Aether yourself?" I suggest, trying to pick up speed so I can leave Tenacity behind.

It's too bad that her legs are longer than mine and she can keep up with me easily.

"Do you really think I haven't thought of that?" She scoffs, "The only reason I haven't is because Megan threatened to dismember me."

"Megan? Really?" I can't picture the pink-haired fairy princess being capable of threatening anyone, not even the gothic vampire walking beside me.

"Really." Tenacity's tone says she doesn't feel like around joking right now. "And it makes perfect sense that she'd be protecting Aether's secret because she has the same one." She pauses to give me a condescending look. "Or haven't you noticed?"

I sigh. "Please just get to your point."

"There's a cover up going on and something tells me that even DSHA doesn't even know about it." Tenacity narrows her eyes. "I plan to find out what it is they're hiding."

Something uneasy coils in my stomach. Tenacity poking around near Aether and Megan would be a bad thing. Why? I'm not sure. All I know is that sometime during my tenure here, Aether has somehow managed to work his way into the circle of people I feel obligated to protect. He's my friend now, and I always protect my friends, even if I don't know all their secrets.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"The only secrets in this school are the ones we keep," Tenacity says. "DSHA always tells us what we need to know. They always explain what we need explained. Aether and Megan have impenetrable minds but DSHA hasn't taught us about people like that. You know why? Because they're keeping it a secret and endangering us all. We can't prepare to deal with people like them if we don't know they even exist."

I can't argue with the fact that they might be dangerous, not after Aether managed to sneak up close enough to me to throw a rock at my head. Still, I try, "I hardly think that knowing what makes them unreadable is something we need to be educated on. They're probably the only two people in the world with that ability."

Tenacity sees right through my ploy. "Do you really believe that? Don't pretend you don't want to know what secret they're keeping. You did yesterday. What's changed?"

Was it really yesterday when Aether found out about my telekinesis? It feels like a lifetime ago. It feels like everything is different now. Change is in the air and it feels as though something is just within reach, calling to me. Pieces to a puzzle have all fallen into my lap and I can sense the pattern, I just can't see it. Not yet. Aether's secret is one of those pieces.

It's a piece I don't want Tenacity to have.

"I've gained some perspective," I stop walking and turn to face Tenacity head on. It mostly involves looking into her nostrils because of how much taller than me she is and how she doesn't seem to have any respect for my personal space bubble. "What is it that makes you so confident in DSHA?"

Her gaze is stone cold. "They saved me. Why do they repulse you?"

I almost tell her. Almost. But I've done enough secret spilling for this week. I don't need to tell her anything.

So I close my eyes and take a deep, cleansing breath.

Then I do something I haven't actively done since I got arrested.

I reach inside myself and pull up Vex - the persona the Overlord gave me when I started going on missions for him. (I was fourteen.)

My eyes open and I take a moment to look at Tenacity.

The easiest things to see about her are the things that DSHA wants you to see - the things her perception filter projects. Her unhealthy pale skin, piercing soulless eyes, and raven-colored hair are not what she really looks like. The length of her hair (it falls almost halfway down her back) and the hollowness of her cheeks are real, though.

She's a real person underneath, just as human as I am.

Meaning, just as vulnerable as I am.

I speak. "Does it help?"

"Does what help?"

"Hiding your insecurities and general fear by trying to bully me into playing whatever game you think you're playing. Does it really help? I mean, being on the other side of victimization must have some kind of appeal. It's the power, isn't it? It's totally the power."

Her eyes flash. "Excuse me?"

I grin. It's a sharp-edged thing, made for eating people alive. "It's cute, that you think you have any power over me. It's almost even hilarious, but listen, Tenacity, if you think for one moment that you scare me, you're wrong. Oh, cherie, you have no idea what scary is. You're only good at... uncomfortable."

She takes a step away from me, only now sensing the shift in my behavior. "What is wrong with you?"

A quick check of my senses reveals that the hallways are mostly deserted at this point.

I take a step forward, right into her space (Remember? She wanted this.), and grab her arm, yanking her down to my level. My finders dig in, hopefully, they'll leave a mark. The grin is gone. My voice comes as a low growl. "Don't ever try to play games with me. You don't have the skill. I think you need to stop asking me questions and mind your own business, or I'll show you scary, got it?"

Tenacity swallows, but doesn't back down. "You're one of those terrorist trained kids, aren't you? The ones who are raised by psychopaths."

I don't dignify her with an answer. Instead, I let her go, backing away and resuming my walk down the hall. The bell will go off soon.

She falls into step beside me again.

"I should tell one of the teachers about you. See if you're so smug, then," Tenacity mutters towards me.

The joke is on her. DSHA already thinks I was trained by terrorists. As for the bodily harm, in case she means that, it was a rough game of capture the flag yesterday. I know I have bruises. Why should she be any different?

I level her with a glare that can kill. (Sometimes literally.) "Were you not listening to what I just said?"

Tenacity swallows, but narrows her eyes at me. "You know, don't you? That's why you're not curious anymore. You know their secret. You're in on it!"

Her outburst catches me off guard.

She thinks I know.

Well, I don't see any harm in allowing her to continue to believe that.

I turn away from her and will myself into a state of emotional void (which isn't too hard, given how emotionally constipated I usually am). She's an empath. She'll know if I lie. The easiest way to trick an empath is to not lie at all. The easiest way to lie without lying? Don't say anything. Let people think what they're going to think.

It works.

"I knew it. What are you getting out of your silence?" She asks.

"The opportunity to get irritated by you, obviously." I roll my eyes. "What do you get out of being DSHA's lapdog?"

"The opportunity to destroy the people who made me into the person I am."

I glance at her out of the corner of my eye, but refuse to face her. If this is how she turned out, I'm thinking that destroying the people who made her this way isn't such a bad idea.

"Don't tell me you don't appreciate what they're doing here. DSHA is taking kids off the streets - kids who might have been starving or maybe they came from an abusive home before coming here - and empowering them."

Empowering them? Empowerment is when you are trained to take care of yourself and make your own decisions, not when someone spirits away your freedom to choose and trains you for the sole purpose of using you. It's like the government thinks we owe them for being born with powers.

Tenacity continues. "They're giving kids who had no guarantees in life a future. Think about what you had before you came here and compare it to what you have now. Isn't it better?"

What I had back home was the freedom to make my own life. The Overlord might not have been the ideal father, but he was always supportive of what Jason and I wanted to do with our lives. When I was five and wanted to be a ballerina? I got ballet lessons. When Jason decided he wanted to join the police force? Our father helped him look for a good police academy.

We don't have those choices here.

My future is set, but I don't have a say in it. Here, I am a marionette and DSHA is pulling the strings. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this.

"It would be even better if you'd take the hint and leave me alone before I start saying things we'll both regret." I finally look back up at Tenacity. "I'd hate to have to do something drastic."

Back before I started wearing this perception filter all the time, Digit and Jason used to laugh whenever I glared at them. That's because underneath what my filter is projecting, I have a childish face. With the filter, however, I'm not entirely sure how my glares look.

But I do know that Tenacity flinches away, so it must be working.

A small part of me is disgusted at how easily I can go from the role of victim into the role of bully. It's probably the same part of me that likes Aether so much.

"I'll leave you alone then." Tenacity steps away.

Relief floods me and I struggle to suppress it so that she won't sense it. I think one of the reasons I dislike her so much is that she can see right through me, and people like that tend to bring out my worst.

I reach my next class as the bell rings, but not soon enough.