Perennial

Chapter 17 -- Perennial

You know that feeling when you do or say something embarrassing and then your brain keeps replaying it over and over again?

That's what my conversation with Tenacity is like.

When I think back, it's a little scary how easily I slipped from the position of being bullied to being the bully. It's also very disappointing. It's true that that's how the Overlord raised me to behave when threatened, but that's not really an acceptable excuse. There's never an acceptable excuse for acting that way, even when it's toward someone you hate.

I'm not sure when I realized that. Was it before coming here and meeting Maria and Aether and Psaqua? Or was it after? (I have a sneaking suspicion it was after.)

It's still bothering me during dinner. I sit at my usual table with the usual people, but I'm not hungry, so I sit hunched over my tray, absently stirring whatever this rice thing is and watching the people around me.

Everyone is talking loudly, which makes other people talk louder, and others still louder, in a vicious cycle that creates the deafening din that is the cafeteria.

I note with disinterest as some kids at the table across from us playfully fling bits of food at each other. What conversation were they having that would have prompted a small food fight?

A flash of color to my left catches my attention. It's a little redhead, (a freshman, I think) she's standing up, but not taking her tray with her. It seems like she's just trying to see everyone at her table so she can talk to them all at once.

I strain my ears to try to hear what she's saying, but her voice is lost among all the others in the room. Should I try to telepathically listen in?

I decide it's not worth it.

"I think that's Hoarfrost."

I glance over at Aether, who's noticed me staring. He smiles easily at me.

He continues. "Have you ever heard of the Yeti? That's her dad. He serves north of here."

I nod slowly. Yes, I've heard of him. He's even gone toe to toe against my mother before. (My father may be the Overlord, but my mother is known better to DSHA as the Wyvern.)

"He's gotten a pretty large fan following recently. So DSHA decided to sell the rights for a graphic novel to some company. There's been a buzz about it recently."

Oh, that. I remember hearing something about it before I got arrested. I nod again. "SPI Comics."

"What?"

"That's the company that probably has the rights. DSHA usually uses them." It's also a company owned by my father. Ironic, right?

"Oh. I didn't know that," Aether admits.

No, I wasn't under the impression that he did. That's why I mentioned it.

It's a common practice for particularly successful and well-known DSHA agents to get a graphic novel or two in their honor. If I remember correctly, I'm pretty sure that Valor has at least one. In any case, the whole thing strikes me as being rather self-indulgent.

Besides, isn't the entire DSHA training program supposed make people "heroes"? Is that really what being a hero is about? Waiting for someone to acknowledge you - except when somebody does acknowledge you, it's only to use you as a marketing tool until they can throw you away for the next big thing? It all seems rather pointless.

That is not something I want to be a part of. Hence why I plan to eventually break out of here, should the opportunity arise.

I sigh and poke my food. What is this stuff anyway? It's nasty.

"Perennial?"

It's Aether again. I had forgotten we were having a conversation. I didn't miss anything important, did I?

He's stopped eating and is watching me with concern written all over his face. I wonder how he feels about all of this. Is he here only because his father made him come? Does he feel obligated to live up the legacy that Valor left for him to follow? Does he someday want to get a piece of glory? Or does he really want to help people, regardless of whether or not he gets rewarded?

From what he said last night, I think it's more likely than not that last option.

"Are you okay?" he asks. "You look... really intense, all the sudden."

"I was just thinking." The words come out as a mutter, the way a sulking child reluctantly speaks to their parents.

"About what?" A smile is creeping across his face. It's a shy smile, like he's willing to come out of his shell, but is ready to duck his head back in if I try to bite his head off.

"It doesn't matter."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes?"

"Well," he returns to his food. "If you ever do want to talk about anything, I'm right here, okay?"

I stare at him for a long moment. He actually starts to squirm before I narrow down my thoughts enough to begin speaking. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

He seems confused. "Because that's how people are supposed to be treated? And you seem like a pretty okay person, even if you don't really have... emotions."

Well, that's the first time someone I'm not related to has called me out on that to my face.

"I have emotions." I pout to myself.

His smile gets bigger. "Then you might want to let those show every once in a while."

I wrinkle my nose. "Trust me, that would make everyone - me included - very worried about my mental state."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But what happens among friends stays among friends, you know, if you ever want to let any of that out before you burst."

"Friends?" The word sounds foreign in my mouth. Sure, I've privately thought that to myself, that he doesn't irritate me, that I actually kind of like him, and that I actually wouldn't mind Aether being my friend. But to hear him say it out loud...

"Friends." He nods with finality. "Everyone needs friends."

No, not everyone does. The Overlord doesn't. I didn't before I came here. But I do think that they're a nice thing to have, regardless of whether or not you need them, so I agree. "Yeah."

Aether stares at me for a moment, and I get the feeling he wants to keep talking to me, but he doesn't know what to say. It looks like he's just decided on something and is opening his mouth to say it when someone further down the table calls his name.

Distracted, he turns away and starts talking with someone I can't see.

I try to remember the last time I had "friends". I remember there were a few kids I liked to play with in kindergarten, back when my parents thought that it would be a good idea to put me in an actual school. But those kids were never really friends, just playmates. When it became apparent in the later grades that I was more intellectually than athletically or even socially inclined, less and less of the other children wanted to spend time with me. Although it isn't fair to say it was entirely their fault. Even as a child, I had a way of coming across as a condescending brat. (It's a defense mechanism.)

By the time my parents withdrew me from the private school I had been attending to have me homeschooled by private tutors, all the other kids in all my classes had taken up actively avoiding me. As a child, it hurt a lot to be the outcast, but it's from that experience that I learned it's best to not even want to form friendships in order to avoid the pain of being rejected from one.

And I like to think that at sixteen, most of the kids from my old school would have moved past their exclusive cliques and become more accepting of the people around them. (But I'm also painfully aware of human nature and know that that will probably never happen.)

Something tells me that Aether isn't as fickle as those kids were.

I sigh. I need to stop thinking about this. It's giving me a headache and it brings up painful memories.

I should think of something else. Like... like...

Well, I was eight when I first began homeschooling. That was eight years ago, just a month after Aether's mom and Uncle Archie both "disappeared". I wonder if all three events were related. It seems likely.

Aether said that he thinks his mom was on a top secret mission from DSHA. That explanation doesn't exactly work for my uncle, though. He didn't work for them. Unless of course, Aether's mom's mission was my uncle, but that wouldn't exactly explain why both disappeared without a trace around the same time.

Unless Aether's mom was on a secret mission from DSHA at the same time Uncle Archie was on a secret mission from the Overlord, and both missions happened to coincide.

I scoff at the idea. No, that can't be it. That's way too coincidental. What are the odds?

I glance to my right, where Psaqua sits, laughing at a joke Maria, who's taken to sitting with us when she can, has just told.

There is a way to find out if DSHA sent Aether's mom on a mission. I just need access to one of DSHA's computers.

I set down my fork and sit back. The food isn't appetizing and I wasn't even hungry in the first place. After a quick glance around reveals no one is paying attention to me, I get up and dump my tray into the nearest trash can. Afterward, I slip outside.

It's raining and I don't have a jacket, but I don't care. After the din of the cafeteria, the steady white noise of rain is a welcome relief. I love rainy days. I'd prefer the company of water droplets to the company of the people any day.

The air is cool and wet. I shiver. My feet make splashes in the puddles as I walk away from the main building. Normally, this would make my shoes wet and uncomfortable, but the boots that go along with my uniform seem to be waterproof and well-made.

I'm halfway to the staff building when a thought occurs to me. I don't know Aether's mom's name.

I am such an idiot. (What did I think I was going to do once I got to the computer? Look for a file named "Aether's Mom"?) Now I have to go back and ask without sounding suspicious.

A groan of frustration escaped my lips as I turn around to head back.

Only to pause when I see someone headed towards me.

The dark blur in the rain calls to me. "Perennial! Hey!"

"Aether?" I ask, dumbly. It's almost like he sensed I needed to talk to him and came running. Weird.

He runs to catch up to me. I note that he isn't short of breath by the time he reaches me, and he even remembered to wear a jacket. His dark hair is wet and hangs down in front of his (fake) brown eyes. I wonder if his eyes truly are brown underneath his filter. It is, after all, the most common eye color in humans.

"I saw you leaving without an umbrella," he explains, holding one out to me.

I take it awkwardly. "Thanks."

Now that he's here, I have no idea how to broach the topic of his mother.

"Psaqua and I did rock paper scissors to decide who would go after you," he says, suddenly.

"Oh?" I smile what I hope is a pleasant smile.

"I lost."

"Oh."

"I'm not stalking you or anything." He laughs nervously. "I just... you're easy to notice."

Easy to notice? What have I been doing wrong? No one is supposed to notice me. Ever.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" He asks, leaning forward as if to get a better look at me. For a moment, it's easy to think he's checking to see if I look feverish.

"Yeah..." I start, but then realize that this is my chance. "Actually, no. Something is bothering me. It's about what you told me, about your mother. What was her name?"

He blinks at me. In a split second, all previous cheer leaves his eyes, leaving them profoundly sad.

He hesitates. "Eclipse. That was her code name."

Eclipse... I've heard of her before, as I was growing up. Most of what I heard was said when the adults thought I couldn't hear them. She scared them for some reason. I'm not sure what her powers were. I'm not sure the adults even knew what her powers were.

"Why?" His voice has gained some strength, and I get the sense that this isn't a question I can worm my way out of answering. This is his mother we're talking about, and he has every right to know what I think I do.

Even though he hasn't seen his mother in eight years, he still feels close to her. Closer than I feel to my own mother, whom I only saw a few months ago.

"I know someone else who disappeared eight years ago in mid-August." Hearing the words out loud makes them sound silly. I rush to amend them. "I know it's a long shot, they might not be connected at all, but it seems like it's too much of a coincidence, you know?"

Instead of agreeing, he just folds his arms tightly, (whether to stay warm or to assert dominance over the situation I'm not sure) and asks, "Are you going to tell me who?"

I think I understand what Aether wants from me. I know more about his story than he does about mine. He wants to even the playing field.

I stare at him for a long moment, thousands of questions and scenarios flash through my mind. Is he trustworthy enough? Will he tell?

Will he look at me any differently?

I've always told myself that (in general, when you're being yourself) honesty is more important than what people may think of you. Whether or not you say what they want to hear, people will either like you or they won't. No one can please everyone. So you might as well get people to like you for who you really are, or hate you for the same reason.

"Juggernaut. That was his code name."

He blinks. Then blinks again. Is he more surprised that I actually answered him or by the answer itself?

"One of the Overlords?" He shakes his head. "You know the Overlords?"

"Every super-human in Paradis who's evaded DSHA as long as I have knows the Overlords." It's not a lie. The Overlord has an underground network of unregistered super-humans throughout the city. Not all of them work for him, but none of them work against him, either.

"You think the Overlords have something to do with my mom's disappearance?"

I shrug. "Or DSHA does."

He shakes his head. Droplets shake loose of his hair, splattering me. The rain starts to pour down harder. "No, they wouldn't..."

I open the umbrella and hold it over both of us. "There's a way to find out for sure."

He doesn't say anything. He just looks at me as if he wants to trust me, but every instinct in him is telling him not to.

I smile and hold out my hand. "Come with me."

To my surprise, he takes it.