Cutthroat Reviews - Can You Survive the Challenge?

A Dragon's Heart

Genre: Fantasy (with a hint of gay)

Author: Adelaide Chanson
The_Shipper_Of_Gayss

THE TITLE:
Sounds good, and seems to fit the story. Yay!

THE COVER:
I can clearly see the title and the author's name, and it has a good graphic that pairs well with the title. I can't complain.

THE BLURB:
Short, quick, and to the point. I like it. I like me a concise blurb. I feel like I have a good understanding of what your story is going to be about in just two, well thought out sentences.

I only have three little complaints:

1. Upon first reading the blurb, I have no idea what "Fidelium" is. Is it a person? Is a a place? Is it a magical creature? I'm really not sure. Maybe you left it mysterious for a reason? It just makes the second sentence a little confusing.

2. You did not end the second sentence with a period. This was probably just a typo, but it ends up making your blurb look like it's unfinished.

3. This is more of a suggestion, but maybe try putting the author's note about the map at the end of the blurb? It's good information to put out there, but it's a bit awkward to open up your blurb with an author's note.

Okay, I'm done whining about your blurb. Besides those things, I think it's pretty much perfect.

THE FIRST PART:
I read: A Night to Remember and Yes, Mother
I decided to read the first TWO chapters, because the first chapter seemed pretty short to me, so I thought it was only fair to read at least one more.

Also: the maps are awesome! They are well made, and I can tell that they are going to be very useful to your readers later on in your story. Great idea and very professional looking! They also get me kind of pumped to read. I don't know about other people, but when I see a map at the beginning of a book, I always feel like I'm about to read something magical.

Anyway, on to the actual story...

First immediate thought: weird paragraphs. Maybe it's because I read it on the app on an iPad, but it's hard for me to distinguish between paragraphs. You could try adding a space between them? This will help break them up, and make it easier to see where one paragraph ends and another begins. It makes my brain hurt a little bit when I stare at a page full of text, with no breaks or spaces.

My next thought was: awesome. Love the writing style. There are few grammar mistakes happening, but nothing horrendous. But the narration flows well, and Alex has a nice head to float around in.

The ending of the first chapter is almost like a little cliffhanger, causing me to want to read more. Mission accomplished!

With the second chapter, it looks like you at least indented at the beginning of your paragraphs, which makes things less confusing, but it still ends up looking a little messy on Wattpad. In my opinion, it's always better to just put a space between paragraphs on Wattpad. It makes your story look like less of a giant block of text and more like a... well, story.

Be careful with tense. Sometimes, you switch between past and present tenses in the narration parts, and it gets confusing and takes me out of the story.

You're already building character in the second chapter and I like it. Alex seems like a cool dude, and the kind of underdog that I would want to root for. I already care about his little family and about what might happen to them in the future, which is a good thing. I'm already getting invested in these characters, yay!

There are still some typos and grammar mistakes, but nothing so offensive that it took me out of the story. Things like this can easily be fixed with some proof-reading.

By the end of this chapter, I want to know more about Alex and his family and about what he is going to do next. My interest was indeed captured!

THE RATING: HOOKED

It's well written and already has some nice characters. Although I didn't get to any parts with a hint of gay yet (I was looking forward to it, but I guess I'll just have to read more to find out), I'm already interested in your story. You did it!