Cutthroat Reviews - Can You Survive the Challenge?

Not Another Love Story

Genre: Romance

Author: Werewolfqueen123

THE TITLE:
It's cute and fitting for a Romance story.

THE COVER:
Same as the title—it looks polished and it seems to fit the theme of the story. I like it!

THE BLURB:
Nonexistent. What is your story about? I have no clue, because you haven't written anything for your blurb besides an acknowledgement for the cover.

Like I've said before, a blurb can be pretty important in determining whether or not someone is going to read your story. You might have a nice cover or a catchy title, but, in the end, people really want to know what your story is about.

Maybe you're not sure what to write for a blurb? Well, just a simple and short summary (without giving away anything important, of course) of your story would be perfectly adequate as a blurb. Just think—if your story were a published book, what would be written on the back cover? You could always ask someone to help you out with your blurb if you're not confident enough to write it yourself.

THE FIRST PART:
I read: 1, 2, and 3
This was another story that had strangely short chapters, so I read more than just the first. I stopped at the third because, by then, I felt that I got the impressions of what the rest of the story was going to be like.

Onto the review...

Okay...what? The way this story begins is...jarring. There's no context. Why is she thinking about her dad? Why did the whole class laugh at her? Why can't her math teacher understand when numbers are spoken to her? Is she having a stroke? I'm so lost.

You don't use any speech tags. It's really hard to keep up with the conversations of the characters. I don't even know who is talking half the time. "What's a speech tag?" you might ask. Well, class, a speech tag is what gives attribution to your dialogue. For example:

"I like turtles," Brian said.

"Me too!" Jane shouted.

The "speech tags" are in bold. Do you need to add a speech tag every single time a character speaks? Certainly not. However, it would be nice if you threw one in every once in a while so I know who the heck is talking. Speech tags can also add a lot of detail to your story and can help portray things like: characterization, setting, tone, etc. All of your dialogue is a confusing jumble. Like when you didn't even mention Darla's name until after she was done talking to Lexi. Who the heck is Darla? Are they friends? Classmates? Sisters? Conjoined twins? I have no idea. No context is given to any of these characters. The whole thing is like a big, weird floating conversation.

Another thing that bothered me: If Max and Lexi have been friends forever, then why was Darla so darn surprised about them studying together? Does Darla suffer from amnesia? Is Darla secretly a robot? WHO IS DARLA?? Okay, sorry, I got a little carried away there...

So, Max doesn't like Darla, huh? I'm beginning to suspect that Darla is actually an alien wearing a human-skin suit, sent here by her alien overlords to take over the earth and devour all human happiness. Okay, yes, that is a wildly over the top idea, but I could literally assume anything about this Darla character at this point because I still have NO IDEA who she is or why she was talking to Lexi. Yes, it is early in the story, but you didn't even introduce her before she started talking for goodness' sake, so what am I supposed to think about her?

Why is Lexi explaining to Max—a person that she's been friends with "forever"—that she doesn't have any siblings and her mom is gone? Shouldn't Max already know this? I think you could find a better way to divulge this information, without creating awkward and unrealistic dialogue.

The changing in point of view can be a cool way to get into each of these characters' heads, but do you really need backtrack and go back through things that have already happened over and over again? It gets tiresome pretty quickly. Yes, I want to know how Max feels about things too, but I don't need to basically reread a scene in Max's point of view that I've already read from Lexi's point of view. Just my thoughts.

You have a few typos, but overall your grammar is pretty clean. So, good job there!

So, from what I've read thus far it seems like you have some pretty interesting characters here, the writing is just...difficult. There seems to be a lot missing from this story. I really want to know what's going on with these characters, but first I need to know where the heck they are, what they're doing, why they're doing it, and who the heck they are.

THE RATING: SUNK

This story needs some work. But, with a little love and attention, I think it could be great!