Extraordinary (Ereri/Riren) (boyxboy)

Chapter Nine - Regret

Tbh I had a hard time reading and listening to this song bc the song was so distracting so like, if y'all want listen to it afterwards idk I'm sorry xD

But my attention span sucks so who knows lmao

And bc the song is so pretty like

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Levi

There wasn't a a single ounce of my being that hadn't fallen for Eren.

The feelings I harbored for him, and did my absolutely best to hide, were as clear as day. As clear and pristine as a crystal, yet even then I didn't want them. I wanted them to fade away, or if possible disintegrate completely, but for that to happen I'd have to be away from him, and I wanted nothing more than to be with him every second of everyday.

There was something about him that was addicting; whether it be his voice, smile, eyes, or even everything about him. He seemed to sparkle, even if he was the most ordinary person I've met, yet the most extraordinary all at the same time. It was overwhelming, but I loved it. His presence was intoxicating. It made me feel sick, yet in the most wonderful and pleasing way. He was something I didn't want to let go of.

Even as I lay in his bed, his scent surrounding me and his hesitant arms wrapped around me, I felt horrible. It wasn't a bad Horrible but a Horrible that I've never felt before; a Horrible that left me smiling into the crook of his neck, the soft touch of his lips still lingering on my forehead, which made this moment all the more wonderful, even if he was already dead to the world and snoring.

Just as I'm sure he was, I was thinking about the completely outrageous, cruel, and idiotic confession I made to him, only to shut him down so quick he didn't have time to feel happy about the latter, or even have time to process it, judging from the expressions he had been making. With these unfair feelings coming at me so strongly, I knew I had judged the situation too quickly, too harshly. I would even go as far to say I had judged the idea of love the same. Perhaps it wasn't stupid, or unnecessary bullshit as I had thought.  Maybe it was worth everything just as Eren had said.

At first, I was sure I could brush the feelings away and return to normal, even if the feelings had become my normal by then. I couldn't even remember how it felt to not like Eren. I suppose the first time the feelings became clear was the first time I allowed him to hold my violin. It wasn't an immediate realization, but the idea had simply passed through my mind as I helped him hold it properly, and by the time he was playing a screechy A flat with my guidance, I was drowning in realization, feelings, and self humiliation that I had unknowingly allowed myself to succumb to such tender feelings, especially for a guy that I now considered my best friend.

The guilt passed quickly, but was only replaced by stress. Juggling Eren and music wasn't easy; my two main focuses. Music had always been my main, ever since I began taking it seriously in second grade, but with the months I knew Eren, he reached the same level of importance in my life. So easily and effortlessly it made me want to punch him, but of course he didn't know he was. He didn't know how important he was to me, or that I thought of him every second I was away from him, or that I wished he had the courage to kiss my lips instead of my forehead. That fetal coward.

Nevertheless, I was just as content with his arms wrapped around me, my cheek pressed against his shoulder and my lips against his neck. I knew very well our positions would be different by morning, and that whatever it was exactly that happened minutes ago would be left undiscussed. His lips would never meet my lips, and I'd never get to tell him how much I regretted the coversation on that uneventful morning - so much I'd begin feeling queasy and my chest would hurt in a way it never had.