The Blind | COMPLETED

A blinded reality

Present day.

‘Oh there you are Holly, I thought you were downstairs with Clara,’ I heard Kenny spoke from my doorway. Mom was still awake downstairs, she was watching some programme and bawling her eyes out. ‘What are you doing Holly bear? Aren’t you preparing to sleep? It’s almost midnight and you have school tomorrow.’

I was seated in front of my baby grand piano, my hands were rested lightly on top of the keys as if I was poised to play something but I couldn’t make up my mind on what song to play. Thoughts of the past got me thinking about sad things again. I sighed heavily. I didn’t want to keep thinking of the past, it just ruins my mood.

‘I’m not planning to sleep tonight Kenny,’ I spoke softly to him. ‘I don’t want to sleep, I don’t want those nightmares to haunt me anymore, and they’re just too overwhelming and painful to bear.’

I heard him move, his feet sweeping across the carpeted floor and then I felt his chin resting on my shoulder, his strong arms curled around my waist. Almost automatically, I leaned myself against him and made myself comfortable in his warm embrace. ‘I’ll sleep with you then,’ he murmured against my ear. ‘You know you like it when I sleep with you.’

Resisting the urge to roll my eyes at his confidence, I didn’t bother to rectify his words. I knew what he meant. I could actually sleep well in his embrace; he made me feel safe in his arms. He had kept the nightmares at bay but tonight, I really don’t feel like sleeping. I feel like talking instead.

‘Blake really loved me huh,’ I stated bluntly suddenly and then sighed heavily, regretting it immediately. ‘But I couldn’t reciprocate his feelings and I feel bad somehow, I feel like I lead him on and then throw a knife in his heart. That’s why he dated Sylvia, to make me feel jealous and hurt.’

‘Do we really have to talk about this?’ I heard Kenny said softly to me, his tone sounded as if he didn’t want to speak about it at all. I think he preferred not to talk about it. I think he wants the past to bury itself over with the other past memories but I just knew that those memories won’t disappear.

‘I feel better if I let it out sometimes Kenny, it makes me feel less like an idiot and more aware of my mistakes,’ I said and kneaded my tired eyes, sighing heavily in fatigue. ‘I feel that I had disappointed Blake somehow and that this is my entire fault. I just feel that I’m the culprit here.’

I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to cry. It really felt that I was at fault, if only I have accepted Blake’s love for me, maybe he’ll still be alive and maybe I’ll still have my sight. I let out a small whimper and raised both hands to cover my eyes as I felt the tears wet them.

Kenny didn’t say anything to me, he just tighten his grip around my shoulders. I cried for my sorrow, my pain and the things that I had did the past year. I let all of my guard down and cried my heart out, letting my emotions empty out from me. It took me awhile to calm down since I had kept everything hidden from view.

‘Am I that horrible Kenny?’ I whispered, my voice a little raspy from the all the crying. I turned around so that I was facing him. I looked to where I hoped his face was and grabbed his hands from around me, squeezing them tightly so he knew that I was serious about the question.