A fresh start

Chapter 14

Here we go! 

DRAMA IN THIS CHAPTER. 

Did anyone see the newest Supernatural episode?!

No spoilers but I AM NOT OVER IT.

anyways... 

Days passed and Cas acted as if nothing had happened. Dean got slightly frustrated because he just wanted to tell Cas but he couldn’t.

Cas woke up on Saturday and found a note from Ellen on his bedside table.

Cas you have today free. Me and Jo in all day. Treat yourself.

Cas smiled and decided to visit Dean. He pulled on some shoes.

*

Dean walked to the front door on his way to visit Cas at the café when he noticed a white on the mat. He picked it up and saw his own name written on the front. He went back up to his room to open it. Dean carefully ripped the top of the envelope open and pulled out a note.

Dean,

Long time no see buddy.

I haven’t forgotten and it seems you have figured it out.

Well done but I will break you. It may take more than I thought but I will break you. Accept this chain so that when I finally get you I can have it back. That way I will know I have succeeded. Bit of motivation for me you see.

All my love,

Adam

Dean balled the piece of paper up in his fist and threw it across the room into his bin. He tipped the envelope upside down and a silver chain fell out onto the floor. Dean bent to pick it up and threw it in the bin along with the letter. He just wanted his past to be left behind. Dean knew he had made some mistakes but he wanted to leave them behind. Why was everything catching up with him now? He slammed his fist on the bed in frustration and heard the doorbell. Dean opened the door to see Cas.

“I have a day off. Can I come in?”

Dean nodded and let Cas in.

“I’m going to take a shower quickly. Just do what you want, you know your way around.” Cas nodded and made his way to Dean’s room. Cas heard the shower go on in the next room and looked around Dean’s small bedroom. He made his way over to the desk across from the bed. Cas ran his fingers over the various pictures Dean had pinned to his wall. One of Dean when his family when everything was still OK. Cas smiled as he saw the smile on Dean’s still boyish face. He moved to the next picture, which was a picture of Dean and Cas. It had been taken by Sam to catalogue that they had, in fact, gotten together.

Cas ran his hands over the few objects on Dean’s desk and something caught his eye. A glint of silver in the bin. He bent to pick it up when he felt his phone vibrate. He picked up the object but checked his text before inspecting it.

From: Lucifer

I can tell you one thing. Don’t get mad, I’m sure he’s completely innocent.

There was a trainee in the gang. Dean.

Dean took a sharp breath in as he read the last word of the text. Cas turned his attention to what he held in his hand. Cas dropped it the minute he saw what it was.

It was a chain with a single pendant on it. In the shape of a trident. Dean had been a trainee in the gang. Every trainee needs an initiation. Cas felt tears fall from his eyes as he came to the realisation.

Dean had killed his parents.

At that moment Dean entered the room. Cas stood up. Tears were falling freely from his eyes.

“It was you. You killed them.”

Dean stopped to look at Cas confused.

“You were a trainee and as initiation you had to kill my parents. Tell me I’m wrong!” Cas’ voice rose at the end.

Dean opened his mouth to protest but Cas didn’t care.

“You knew all the time and you even had the nerve to say you loved me?! How could you do this? I thought you were different. You killed them!” Cas started pounding his fists against Dean’s chest.

Dean grabbed Cas’ wrists. Cas cried out. Dean saw the small silver chain clenched in Cas’ fist and everything fell into place.

Adam didn’t need to kill Cas to break him. Life knowing Cas hated him was worse than killing him. Dean felt tears fall from his face as he grabbed the chain from his boyfriend’s hand.

“Dean I am done with you. I can’t hand you in because, despite myself, I still love you. I cannot promise that my family won't.” Dean looked Cas in the eyes and saw that he was dead serious. Cas ran out of the house and went to the only place he felt really safe. He ran to the house next door and ran to his room. Cas screamed and pounded the walls. Cas screamed until his voice was hoarse. He screamed until he felt like he couldn’t do anything. He smashed his fists into the wall over and over. He saw blood started to flow from his fists but he didn’t care. Cas couldn’t care. Cas had given up. After a while he felt his body giving up too and he fell to the floor.

Anna stood outside Cas’ room and listened to her brother lose it. She felt herself starting to cry. Cas was screaming as if he knew nothing else. Once the screaming had stopped Anna slowly pushed the door open and ran over to her brother. Cas was lying on the floor curled up and crying and there was blood coming from his fists. Anna wrapped her arms around Cas and pulled him into her chest.

“He killed them Anna. He never loved me. It was all a game to him. He killed them.”

“Dean killed mom and dad? How can you know for certain?” Anna didn’t believe it for a second.

“I just know.”

“Cas please don’t hurt yourself. I will prove to you there has been a misunderstanding. Dean did not kill them I promise.” Anna felt the tears fall down her face and Castiel shook in her arms. She rocked him back and forth kissing his forehead repeatedly. He fell asleep and she laid him on the bed. Anna wrapped up Cas’ wounds as he slept.

Dean slumped to the floor and let tears fall down his face. He was angry at himself, not Cas, but Cas being angry at him had completely drained his will power so he didn’t even have the strength or energy to be angry.

He just sat on the floor miserably. Dean felt empty. Everything that he was had died. Cas was gone and Dean wished so badly he could go back and explain but now he would never have the chance.

If only he had never joined that gang. If only he had handed Adam in. If only he had warned Cas properly with an explanation. If only he had gotten rid of that stupid pendant. If only- If only...

Dean let out a strangled cry.

“I ruin everything. I break everything I touch. Just another person I love gone out of my life. I am useless. I guess that’s just what I do, let down the people I love.” Dean mumbled to himself as he clenched his fists. He felt numb, like his body had given up.