Never Let Go Of The Light

I'm Hurt But I'm Not Gonna Tell You About It

Severus woke up with a ten out of ten on the pain scale in his arm. He quickly Apparated to the Dark Lord with a sense of dread in his stomach. He didn't know why he kept going back. Maybe it was so his arm would stop hurting.

Voldemort let Severus be tortured for an hour before sending him back to Hogwarts with a bleeding nose, a few cracked ribs and two deep gashes on his torso. Severus cleaned away the blood with shaking hands and touched the blood on his robes, but his hands were so numb and his brain so confused that he didn't register that he needed to clear the blood away.

Feeling slightly better, Severus walked out of his room in the dungeons to the Great Hall. No one was there yet so he sat down and ate before leaving just as the first few students trickled in with the teachers.

It was Saturday, so there were no classes for Severus to teach. No, instead Dumbledore sent his stupid Phoenix to Severus with a letter. Fawkes appeared and disappeared in a flash of fire, scorching Severus' toast and desk. 

Severus cursed the bird and threw the letter in the fire. Severus stood up suddenly and his breathing hitched when his broken ribs moved a bit. He knew he should get them fixed, but he didn't want to appear so weak that he couldn't even hold his own against the Dark Lord.

Snape watched the letter burn and with great disappoint he saw it reassemble and float back to him. He ignored it and chucked it in the fire again, this time creating a sheet of metal and putting it against the fire. 

Instead of getting trapped, the letter travelled through the metal and landed on the desk. Cursing Dumbledore to the hell and back, he skim read it and threw it back in the fire after moving the metal.

Still it came back. Sighing, Severus scribbled 'not coming' over Albus' writing and threw it angrily in the fire. It gave a pop and disappeared. Snape sighed and dropped his head onto the desk with a good sounding bang.

There was a consistent tapping on his shoulder and Severus twisted around to find the letter with a reply. 'You are coming. 'You don't have a choice,' was written neatly under the writing. 

Severus stalked out of the dungeons, slamming the door behind him, and continued to Dunbledore's office.

"Albus! Open the door!" He yelled, banging loudly.

Albus opened the door and came face to face with an angry Snape.

"I'm not coming. End of story," Severus growled. 

He looked around and saw that the other teachers were there.

Severus narrowed his eyes. "You sent that letter so I'd come and yell at you, didn't you?"

Albus shrugged. "Possibly."

"I have something I'm working on that I need to finish and get you to check. I'll be back in a minute," Severus lied.

Albus eyed him suspiciously but let him go. Severus hurried back down to his chambers and grabbed the fifth years paper that needed to be marked. He then walked purposely slowly back to Dumbledore's office and sat down next to Minerva, which just so happened to be the farthest place away from Sirius as well.

"I thought you said you said I needed to check it. Your student's papers are not something that needs to be checked," Albus said, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes, well, that part was a lie, but the rest wasn't," Severus said indifferently.

Albus sighed. "You are too cunning for your own good."

"I thought you told me to do whatever my strengths were?" Severus asked.

"I'm regretting it now," Albus muttered.

"Why do you have blood on your robes?" Sirius interrupted loudly. 

Severus glared at him. "Because his stupid Phoenix made me drop a potion and the glass cracked and then I was busy throwing his stupid letter in the fire."

"Okay," Sirius said.

Severus ignored the talking going on around him and started marking.

"Tell Potter to listen in Potions," Severus told Minerva. "And tell Neville I won't kill him."

Minerva snorted. "You're so thoughtful," she said sarcastically. 

The meeting was going well until Sirius stood up to have a look at what Severus was doing. 

"Albus, keep him at bay," Severus said, without even looking up.

Sirius laughed and moved closer.

"Keep him at bay," Snape repeated.

Sirius moved closer and Severus' middle finger went up. 

"That is quite enough, thank you Severus," Dumbledore said warningly.

Snape shot him an icy glare and kept his finger up until Sirius trudged away grinning. The door burst open and Molly Weasly came rushing in with Arthur following her. She startled Severus, making him jump half a foot and drop his papers.

"Did you really feel the need to give me a heart attack?" He hissed.

Molly gave him a reproachful look. "Don't be so rude. I remember when you were little, maybe five. You were so polite then."

Sirius had taken a huge gulp of water which he spat back out as soon as he heard Molly. 

"You knew Severus when he was five?" He exclaimed.

"Not personally, no. His father was in league with mine, so he brought his son over when his mother died sometimes," Molly said.

"Shut up," Severus whispered, his body trembling and his fists clenched, his skin paler than usual. "Just shut up."

Molly looked offended.

"I think that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is in the Forbidden Forest," Molly said in a small voice.

"You have proof?" Albus asked, glancing between Molly and Severus.

"Dreams. A red flash, his laughter, and, and a glimpse of the forest," Molly whispered. 

"Thank you Molly. You may go," Albus said kindly.

Severus was deathly pale and clenching his fists so hard that his fingernails were cutting into his palms.

"Severus," Albus said sternly. "You are not going to risk your life for us again, do you hear me?"

"No," Severus said. "You can't make me do anything."