Hold On (Ianthony)

Part 11

A/N: btw I know up to here things were kinda slow but I promise here is when things take off like real talk I have like five chapters written in advance and damn hold onto your boots everyone ((I love old people terms if you haven't figured that out by now))

I called Ian seven times on the hour long flight back home. He never answered, never called back. By this point, I was so worried I couldn't think straight. The people sitting next to me on the plane most likely thought I was absolutely insane; I was basically having a mental breakdown. Ian wouldn't answer the phone. He wouldn't call me back. Anything could have happened to him. On top of that, I just dumped my girlfriend of over three years (who, for the record, had called me far more times than I'd called Ian, but this time, I was the one not answering). So, quite obviously, I wasn't the best I'd ever been in my life.

By the time I got home, I was trembling. I could barely get out my key to open the door.

"Ian!" I yelled, stumbling through the door. "Ian!"

I threw all my stuff down on the table and ran down the hallway. All the lights were off except a sliver of yellow from the crack under the bathroom door.

"Ian!" I repeated, banging on the door with both fists. "Ian, please open the door!"

But he didn't.

I jiggled the doorknob. Thank God, it was unlocked.

I barged through the door, not even caring that he could be naked or pooping or anything, really. I just needed to know he was safe.

He leaned against the countertop, his face pale and mouth slightly open. He was fully clothed and not pooping, which was good, I guess, but there was something in his hands.

I walked up to him and grabbed it. His hands were shaking and he looked like he was going to say something, but didn't know what.

A pill bottle.

I looked up at him, my breath falling short.

He just stared back.

"You're not supposed to be here until-"

"You didn't take any, did you?!" I yelled, throwing the bottle to the floor.

He just stared at me. His eyes were red with tears and he looked like he hadn't slept a wink since I'd been gone.

"Ian, no-"

"I didn't," he interrupted me. "I promise."

His voice was so hoarse and quiet. He looked so small then; the worst I'd ever seen him. And right then, it hit me, what had just happened. I got home to find Ian about to commit suicide. My best friend, my soulmate, going to kill himself. And at that moment, I knew there was a God, and he had made sure I was there right in time. And I would never be able to thank God enough for that.

"No, Ian," I said, starting to cry. "God, no."

I threw my arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder. He even felt weak under me, like I was going to snap him right in half. And he didn't really hug me back. 

I didn't give him some speech on how he was my best friend and he couldn't kill himself because I literally couldn't live without him, about how I loved him. Mostly because my mouth was so dry I couldn't speak.

I just held him in my embrace, crying all over him. 

And I told myself I would never let him leave again.

Later that night, after I was absolutely positive Ian was asleep and okay and alive, I went into the computer room and shut the door. I was still crying; I had been all night. This was by far the hardest and longest I had ever cried in my life.

I sat down in the chair and turned on the computer, going to the webcam. There was something I had to do.

I pressed record and took a deep breath, not letting myself stop here.

"Hey guys." My voice was barely audible. It sounded nothing like me. "This obviously isn't a normal video, but there's something I have to tell you all."

I sobbed into my hand and looked at the floor for a moment. I had to do this. Ian would want me to.

I looked up and sighed, trying to make my voice sound as normal as possible.

"A few weeks ago, Ian was in a car accident."

I buried my face but kept talking. I just couldn't stand to look at the camera for some reason.

"He lost his memory. He doesn't remember a single thing up until this point."

I shook my head a little.

"And... chances are... he's not gonna get it back. And, also, some other bad, really bad things have happened to both of us the past few weeks that I'm not really comfortable talking about."

I rubbed my eyes and choked back a sob. I had never done anything like this before. We usually kept our personal lives more secretive, and I wasn't used to just filming and uploading videos right away. I didn't like it.

"So, because of all this, we're probably not gonna be able to upload many videos for a while. I... I don't know how long. Maybe just a few days, maybe a few weeks...."

I bit my lip and took a deep breath; it shook on the way out.

"So... yeah. If you're, like, religious, please, just..." My mind flashed back to Ian's face when I found him in the bathroom about an hour ago. "Please pray for us. We could really use all the help we could get."

I sobbed and buried my face again. This was too much. Life was too much.

"So... yeah. I'm really sorry, guys. This is just too hard. I'll try to keep you updated as much as possible... I guess."

I tried to smile a little. "See you guys all soon."

And with that, I stopped the video.

And I uploaded it to our main channel without even watching it myself.