A Turkish Delight☆

Chapter 16: Deep Regrets

Mehmet:

What the hell have I done? Why did I have that last drink, it clearly messed up my thinking capability. And, of all the people I could screw, I had to screw my sponsor? Curse you Mehmet Gülsoy! Ugh! I was literally at the verge of a mental breakdown. I just wanted to secretely disappear like none of this ever happened. But should I just leave? Would it be morally correct?

"Oh fuck it Mehmet! You basically had one night stand, with the CEO of the company who was sponsoring your business, and you're talking about morals? Furthermore, you wrongly accused the poor girl of sleeping around, when you did the same thing. You fucking hypocrite. You should go die in a hole!" The voice inside my head said. And it did rightfully say so. I was a hypocrite, I was immoral. And I really started hating myself. What was the point of all the change when I went back to my old ways?

Instead of fixing things with Nadine, I ruined them. I deeply regretted my decision of not apologizing and taking a detour to the pub. Had I done that, it would have saved me from this deep regret and the walk of shame afterwards. Yeah sure the probability of Nadine yelling at me and shutting the door at my face was a lot, but things won't get better unless I talked to her. I have to put in some effort before giving up. So I just wanted to go to her and ask her for my apology even if it meant begging on my knees for it. But right now the real question was, how the hell would I get out of bed and go out without waking Sara up and jeopardizing my business in Iran?

I was trying to sneak out without creating a lot of noise. I didn't want to wake her up, because then I'd have to do a whole lot of explaining and honestly I can't even look her in the eye. I picked up my clothes from the floor to get dressed, when she called from behind.

"Leaving so soon, darling?"

I didn't know what to say or how to react to that.

"Uh, I'm just going to get dressed." I said, my back was still towards her.

"Last night was amazing." She said in an almost seductive voice.

"Um yeah it was..." I continued, "I have to go to my shop, I have a meeting with the suppliers."

"Awh, you're leaving so early? I thought we could have breakfast in bed, and then a whole lot of fun."

"Um," I turned around, "listen Sara, whatever happened last night was not intended. It was a mis--"

"I know, handsome." She interrupted me, "a beautiful mistake."

"Sara, I'm really sorry but I can't be with you, I am already dating someone else." I lied, I didn't know what to say.

"Oh you thought I would want a relationship after that? Hahaha oh poor Mehmet. No." She said in a way that seemed to offend me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I was only looking for a casual thing. I'm not going for anything serious." She said boldly.

"What the hell?" I thought to myself, when did women become so straightforward? Or maybe I live in the olden times.

"Huh? Okay. Well I have to leave, I have a meeting to attend to."

"Call me when you're up for some casual 'fun', then." She said with a wink.

I was infuriated at this point. I don't know why though. The worst part is, I was used to fulfil someone's sexual desires. I hated her, but more than that, I hated myself.

"I'm not looking for any hookups, it was probably the alcohol that fogged up my brain, but I am not in favour of 'keeping it casual' with someone whom I do business with." I said with a straight face, before I left the room.

"Very well then, I'll see you later, honey." She said in a condescending, almost sardonic tone.

At this point I was boiling with anger, I wanted to answer back to her, I did not care whether my business would be at risk or not, I have some dignity, and I won't let any horny woman take it away from me. But I stayed calm, I didn't want any drama. But I slammed the door on my way out.

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1 week later

I still hadn't calmed down, and every time I thought about this one night stand gone wrong, it amplified my anger. I hated being played. Furthermore, this only lead me to waste my time.

I hadn't spoken to Nadine for more than two weeks, since I impulsively kissed her and she pushed me away, showing she disapproved of it. I was pretty embarassed, naturally, but I had to apologize to her, for this, and for what I said before. I deliberately didn't contact her, I feared she would tell me off, or worse, she won't pick up my calls. I wanted to give, her and myself, sometime to calm down. Also I was too chicken to face her. But I finally mustered up the courage to go and apologize.

It was nearing the end of the year. Istanbul is just as beautiful during the winter months as it is in spring. The roof tops were covered with snow. But because the winters were so intense, the only thing I loved about them was the hot cocoa with marshmallows and making snowmen. Since Christmas was in a few days, you could see the red and green coloured lights everywhere. Yes, the state religion is Islam, but thankfully, we are tolerant and liberal and respect other religions, because that is what our Prophet did too. Although our population comprises of 99.7% of Muslims, we still love to set up and decorate our Christmas trees and light the streets with green and red lights. The whole city is so colourful at this time of the year.

After closing the shop, at around 10, I hurried my way towards Nadine's home. I picked up a bouquet of tulips on the way there, and a big fluffy teddy bear too, because why not. And girls love such cute gifts. As I neared towards her home, my heartbeat increased, I started getting nervous and I thought this wasn't such a good plan after all. I turned around and thought I shouldn't do this, but the voice inside my head commanded me to stop being a coward and knock on her door. And so with baby steps, and shaking hands I walked towards the door. I knocked, twice, but I heard no answer. Maybe she was asleep? Maybe this isn't the right time. As I was about to turn around I heard someone call out to me. It wasn't her, it was one of her neighbours. Probably the ones she was talking about.

"Whom are you looking for?" He asked, looking at me very suspiciously.

"I'm looking for the girl who lives here, Nadine. I am her friend."

"Oh. She left." He replied.

"What? Where? When? How?" I asked puzzled as ever.

"Oi boy, calm down." He continued, "she left yesterday, for England."

What? She left? For England? Why?

"Do you know when she will be back?" I asked him desperately.

"Son, aren't you her friend? Shouldn't you be knowing all of this?" He asked, suspiciously.

"Um, I haven't talked to her in a while, I was going to surprise her today." I wasn't lying though.

"Well I don't know she didn't say. She only gave me the keys to her apartment and left. I don't know when she will be back."

"Oh okay. Thank you." I replied rather unhappily.

She left. What if she left for good? I couldn't even say sorry to her or set things right with her. I hate myself. I'm such an idiot.