A Turkish Delight☆

Chapter 19: New Year's Miracle?

Mehmet:

I was equal parts sad, and mad at myself. Sad for letting go off her, and mad at myself for not being courageous enough to apologize to her, at the right time. And now she's gone. Probably forever. Will I never see her again? Have I lost her, again? I honestly wanted to get the next ticket to England, but where exactly in England? Besides, would it be right to go there? For all I know, she probably isn't even there. She probably lied to her neighbour because she knew I would come running afterwards to apologize. What if she's back in Pakistan? Or what if, she's gone to a different country? Sigh. I may never know. I just prayed she'd come back otherwise, I might never forgive myself for being such a jerk to her.

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But life must go on. And although I did say, I would not let anyone or anything come in between me and my work, but I wasn't feeling up to the mark lately. Since today was the 31st of December, the Bazaar was filled with hundreds of thousands of people, buying New Year gifts for their loved ones. There was a big crowd at my shop too, and as you all know about my fear of crowded crammed up spaces, I went outside to get some air.

It was that time of the year when both, the streets and the people were all lit up with joy. The atmosphere would be filled with the aroma of Kahve (coffee). Although, the weather was below the freezing point, it had an unexplainable warmth to it. You could see the joy and happiness on people's faces. You'd see children running around in the labyrinth-The Bazaar, and their mothers running behind them, yelling at them to stop, while their fathers would just have a good laugh about it, least bothered. You'd see all the couples display their weirdly, gross affection. Everyone was so happy for the New Year. Maybe they thought it'll bring them luck and new oppurtunities. Or maybe, because they won't have to spend it all alone, like me. I was envious of them. It seemed like everyone had a stable life, except for me. But no, I shouldn't be complaining, I mean I only had an abusive father, a pathetic best friend and an unfaithful girlfriend. I can't complain.

All my life I tried to be patient, tried to be more accepting of life. I tried to compromise with everything, whether it was my abusive father or my cheating girlfriend. I never took revenge, I left all that behind. I never complained to God, I happily accepted the situation, thinking it could be worse. I struggled to create a better future, not just for myself, but also for my mom and sister, and although I was successful in doing so, but was this what I really wanted? To be left all alone?

I've heard people say money can buy happiness, but am I happy? Au contraire, I'm far from being happy. What's the point of so much success when you have no one to share it with? When, at the end of the day, you'll be sitting alone in the bar, drinking vodka, to drown your sorrows? When you'll have no shoulder to cry on when you're an emotional mess? And right now I was an emotional mess ready to explode. Not only was I feeling lonely and sad and miserable, but I also felt a deep regret.

I am the reason for half of my problems. I mean, I won't blame myself for the failed relationship with my father or my ex, but I would blame myself for the impulsive way that I acted that day. I could've acted rationally and heard her out. But instead I lost my temper and drove her away. All because of my stupid insecurities. Ugh! I am so stupid!

I want to be happy too. I want to do all the weirdly gross things that couples do in public, which they find cute like share my ice cream with my girlfriend, hold hands while walking and all of that shiz. I want to have a stable relationship for once. Is that too much to ask for? Probably yes.

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The rush was increasing by the hour. I had thought of closing up earlier and going to the bar to celebrate the New Year's with my only friends-my employees. But due to the flood of people at my shop, it was practically impossible. After a long day of negotiating with the customers, showing them our various samples, and practically draining ourselves, we finally served our last customer and closed the shop by 11. There was still an hour left for the year to change so I asked my colleagues to accompany me, but since they were too tired, I went to the bar alone, again.

I was drinking alone at the corner of the bar, trying to not get noticed by anyone. I was so lost in my thoughts that I probably didn't notice how I was unintentionally eyeing the girl across the bar. She must've waved her hand twice or thrice, I don't know, but eventually she came up to me.

"I've been noticing you for quite a while now. You've been staring at me since the time I came here. But I guess you didn't have the courage to come up and say hello."

"Uhh.. sorry I wasn't staring at you, I was actually lost in my thoughts." I replied.

"Yeah sure, that's what they all say." She winked at me. Then she continued, "lets go some place, where we can be alone, there's too many people here."

"Uhh, no I'm waiting for someone." I replied, okay, I know I'm not stupid. I know what she meant. I wasn't ready for another hook up. Actually I didn't want to do that anymore. It only causes regret and a whole lot of shame.

"Oh c'mon." She insisted, "lets have some fun. If you know what I mean."

"I know what you mean, I am not in the mood to have 'fun'."

"I can change your mood, you know, lets go."

"Listen, lady, I think you have the wrong idea of me, please leave me alone."

"Well suit yourself," she replied, "I know you're playing hard to get, if you change your mind, I'll be at the same place where you were initially looking."

"Erm..." what the heck?

Call me old school but its still difficult for me to digest that women literally throw themselves at men. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for women empowerment, but this is something really difficult for me to accept. But then I realised, I kept sulking over the fact that I was lonely, yet I rejected this fine offer. And for what? For a girl who left the country? For a girl who might never return? Maybe its all in the past now. Maybe it was never meant to be. Maybe our meeting was short lived. And when I am getting such a good chance, why should I let it go? Maybe its a New Year's miracle? So why should I resist? And what if, this isn't just another one night stand? And so we left the bar together, to go back to my place, holding hands with her, kissing and hugging and doing all sorts of crazy shit that couples normally do on the way.