A Turkish Delight☆

Chapter 21: From Istanbul, With Love.

Nadine:

6th January 2023

I was back in Karachi, I actually reached 11 days ago. Even after whatever happened between Saif and me that day, it still wasn't clear to me what I wanted. On the flight back to Karachi, the only question I had on mind was, do I love Saif? Or did I only agree to this because I wanted to be loved? And now, I felt equal parts confused and awkward about our relationship. I still wasn't wearing the ring that he proposed with. I don't know why though, I mean, I do, but I still was not sure about my feelings. I still wasn't sure whether I'd want to spend my entire life with him. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't using him. I only wanted to be absolutely sure about us, before I wore that ring.

Marriage is a big thing, its a big responsibility, and I'd only take that big of a responsibility if I'm ready for it. And thankfully my parents weren't like the typical desi parents who'd want to get their daughter married off at 23. In fact, my mother used to tell me, jokingly of course, to find myself a handsome beau instead of her going around, asking people for my hand in marriage. They were so chill, and I loved this about them.

But all of this, was really awkward for me, mainly because, I've never experienced such a thing with anyone. Heck my first kiss wasn't even with my ex, it was with Saif, so you can very well imagine as to why everything was so weird for me. For the first few days, I felt really embarassed whenever he'd call me on Skype, and most of the times, I'd turn off my video because I didn't want him to see me like that. But he understood, he always did. And he gave me the space I required. I did tell my mom about Saif, just not the details. No matter how cool and chill parents you'd have, somethings are better left unsaid. I was going to go back to Istanbul on the 10th, so I wanted to make the most of it with my family, and best friend, Nimra.

Although, it had only been 3 months or less since I left for Turkey, everyone behaved as if I had gone for 3 whole years. Haha, I loved this. I'm thankful I was surrounded by so many people who cared for me. 4 days before I left I went out for a movie with Nimra. We hardly paid any attention to the movie, because we kept talking about various things, including Saif.

"Are you crazy?!" Nimra exclaimed, and everyone in the movie theatre looked around to see where the voice came from.

"Sorry, sorry, continue watching your movie." I told them.

Nimra then spoke again, in a very soft , yet concerned tone, "why haven't you told your mom about the proposal?"

"I don't know how they'd react to it. I mean I know they'll be freaked out by it, but, they'd want to keep an engagement ceremony too." I continued, "and currently, I'm not ready."

"But why?" She asked.

"I don't know yaar. (friend)"

"Well you should, he's like the perfect man. Besides, you crushed over him in college. Nadine, this is like a dream come true!"

"I know yaar, but, I don't know whether I love him or not..."

"What! You don't know whether you love a man you slept with?!" She said, her voice as shrill as ever.

"Calm down, Nimra." I said, trying to shush her down, so that no one could hear us. "We'll talk after the movie."

"Okay. But you have to tell me as to why you're behaving like an idiot!" She replied.