A Lifetime in Repeat (My Transgender Story)

It's Okay To Be Different

I wish someone had've told me that sooner
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Ready for some more clues into how I knew. Here we go:

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When I had my buzz-cut, I was out to dinner with my family. I needed the bathroom. I was dressed in what was either Shane's old clothes, or my own clothes that I got from the boy's section of Best & Less. My mum always shopped with me there, she knew I liked those clothes better. I could never really find girls clothes I liked, that was the case up until the day I came out. I would always buy custom clothes online or stuff from the men's section at Kmart. yeah, I'm classy.

Basically, my androgynous self-needed the bathroom (I'm like nine at the time of this). I went up to the bathrooms, On the left was the men's room, the women's on the right. I wasn't sure which one to go in. I felt like I SHOULD go in the men's room but I thought that I was forbidden to do so. After a lot of consideration, I went into the women's room because I thought that was the more 'legal' thing to do.

There were some young girls in there when I went in. The younger one started laughing at me. the older sister explained to her, something like. "It's okay, some people are just confused. Stop pointing."

Yeah, I felt out of place, not only did I think I was in the wrong bathroom, so did that little girl. the majority can't be wrong, can it?

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For Halloween (I thought this was an interesting topic given the season) I never dressed up in 'girls' costume. I was always scary and again, that special word that sums up my childhood, androgynous. One year I went as the masked-killer for Scream, one year I was Satan, another I was notorious serial killer Jack the Ripper, and they year before last I was Alex Delarge from A Clockwork Orange (I have good taste).

I was never a princess or a fairy, in fact when I was three, instead of wearing tutus, I just casually cosplayed as Shrek for the heck of it. Yep, THAT Shrek. Shrek was my idol, don't ask why. He just was.

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I don't know if you guys remember the stick figure family stickers that people used to on the back of their cars in the turn of the 2010s. I haven't seen many these days but they were everywhere six or seven years ago. My mum and I went into Super-Cheap Auto in 2010 to get the stick figure family stickers. We got one of dad, mum and one of my younger brother Ryan as well, but when it came ti choosing a stick-figure for me. I wanted my stick-figure avatar to be a boy. Mum said:

"yeah, you have short hair, but you are still a girl."

She was right, even though I felt like a boy on the inside, I was still a girl. Nothing was gonna change that. so reluctantly I agreed. When we were paying for the stickers, the receptionist pointed to the sticker of my brother and said:

"Is this you?"

"No," I said. I was the girl one. Unfortunately, but it wasn't a big deal. I realised that. But It still made me feel funny about myself. It still wasn't what I wanted.  

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