A Lifetime in Repeat (My Transgender Story)

Hair-Cuts Throughout The Ages

Just a few days after I turned ten, I decided I hated my hair. I took a pair of scissors, looked into the mirror and I started to cut it. Just a little bit at first but then I decided it needed to be even shorter, and even shorter, and even shorter. Soon there was nothing left to cut. I had scratched all over my scalp from mishandling the scissors, I didn't bleed but it left marks.

I asked my mum a few months earlier if I could get my hair cut short, it was really long at the time and I wanted a new look. She said to me: sure, how about a bob-cut? No, I replied, I want it short, like dad's or like Ryan's (my brother's). What, like a boys haircut? She said kind of harshly, I thought immediately that wanting a boys haircut was wrong, so I backtracked. No, I said. Not like a BOYS haircut, just short.

We eventually settled on a bob-cut like mum had suggested. A lot of hair came off that day. When the hairdresser asked me if I loved it I lied and said I did. It was the same as it was before just shorter. It didn't mean anything to me and it was even longer than I had anticipated. I waited serval months before taking things into my own hands and cutting it all off. When people would ask me why I had done it (including my mum and dad) I just told them that I wanted a new look.

My school thought I was depressed, and I technically was. Other students were instructed to be nicer to me and they were for maybe 24 hours. I only told one person the true reason why I cut my hair. His name was Nick, and he was gay. He wasn't out at the time but has since got a boyfriend and they are very in love which is nice. Anyway, he was my best friend and I could tell him everything. however, he hit a rough patch in his life and we grew apart after that. Anyway, I approached him very secretly and told him.

Nick: So, why did you cut your hair? I heard you got nits, or like bubblegum or something got stuck in it.

(yeah, I made a LOT of excuses)

Me: actually, there is another reason, the real reason.

Nick: what is it.

Me: well, I want to be a boy.

Nick: oh okay.

And that was the end of that. It wasn't a big deal. He never talked about it around other people and he barely brought it up, maybe only three times in our whole friendship which spanned fro years.

I remember one time we were walking to class, I was swinging around my lunchbox because you know, I was eight. A teacher yelled out to me.

"Hey, that boy there! Stop that!"

I turned around to face her.

"Oh it's a girl, could you stop that please?"

I did because I'm a good kid. Nick came up to me and whispered something to me excitedly.

"She thought you were a boy!"

"I know!"

It was very exciting, it still is all these years later too.

Nick has since moved away, maybe one day we will get in touch again. I think he'd be proud of me, I'm proud of him.

Since then, I have gotten another haircut. I love my new haircut although it need some cleaning up to do. I have very curly hair and it's hard to style. I'll get through it though.