The Heartthrob Won't Leave

Chapter Forty-Four (New Chapters)

The bell rang above their heads and they got up from their desks, collecting their things and heading for the door. Three more flowers had gotten handed off that class, and Blake had just watched as the people who got them were so excited, reading the small notes they came with. She just sighed at the thought, shaking her head. No one even knew she existed in this place, let alone someone that would buy her a flower. It was ridiculous, but it just kept popping up in her head like a never-ending game of thought wack-a-mole. She went to her locker, glancing at Michayla as she opened hers next door.

"Don't worry" she insisted "I'm sure he's just waiting for the right day, or perhaps he'll do it on the last day" Michayla claimed, shutting her locker after unloading her books

"I don't know what you are referring to" Blake responded, holding her binder and laptop in her arms. There were only three days left till Christmas break, three more days until the age of flower giving was over. It was like she was counting down the minutes, no matter how ridiculous it was even to herself. Perhaps it was a slight twinkle of hope that existed somewhere within her steering all the rest until an eventual crash that makes them all sink into depression. The closer the end came, the closer that one sparkle of possibility got to diminishing like all the rest.

"It's pizza day! You know!" Jane hurried towards them, grabbing them both by the shoulders and pulling them snug together "I'm gonna get myself a slice! And then I'm going to eat it in front of you as you sit there wishing you were me!" Blake just smiled, shaking her head.

"As much fun as that sounds-" Blake pulled gently from her hold "I'm just going to go to the library, I have a paper due at the end of the week" Jane didn't look impressed, and neither did Michayla.

"You're not coming to the cafeteria? Leaving us to fend for ourselves!" Jane insisted, gripping her shoulder and shaking it so hard she nearly lost hold of the items in her arms.

"You could always come to the library" Blake responded as she took, walking down the hall and glancing at them behind her.

"Maybe we will!" Jane called, almost sounding like a threat than a promise. Blake just smiled, letting out a sigh above her head as she walked between the scattered students in the hall. Lunch hour, was the only time within the school day that students actually controlled where they went. Her thoughts wondered, pushing open the heavy metal doors of the library, and walking across the carpeted floor towards her usual spot. It was only when she got near the shelving that she noticed his silhouette within the books. Sometimes he met her in the library, knowing where her little spot was, so seeing him there wasn't necessarily a shock, more of a delightful surprise. She was about to approach when she noticed the presence of another body, staying back slightly to look at the two of them through the small gaps above the books and the shelving. She couldn't hear them well, she was too far, only bits and pieces of full sentences.

"I don't want...people...Blake-"

"Me...life is short...you-"

"-Doesn't matter...don't need a change...Blake...wrong-" they were talking about her, but she couldn't quite understand the context, nor why Lucian and Stella would have any need to talk about her. She was about to approach when something stopped her dead midstep. Stella leaned forward, planting a kiss right on his lips. Her eyes widened in disbelief, the grip on her laptop and binder tightening in front of her, knuckles turning a pearly white. She looked away quickly, feeling as if she was intruding on an intimate moment that wasn't hers. 

She gently moved away from them, and once she felt they were far enough to not hear her, she made her way hurriedly out of the library, the doors slamming shut behind her. It was a thought that had taken her mind more than once, wondering why it was that Lucian and Zac were fighting that day. She had realized not long after that Stella appeared to be the only option that made sense. She pushed her way into the girl's bathroom, pulling into a stall and slamming the door shut, locking it. She sat on the toilet with a thump, her cheeks in her hands and elbows to her knees. She wasn't angry, there was no anger involved. There was no way to control who one loved, she knew that well enough. It was more a shoulder-crushing depression. Why? Out of everyone in this damn school, why did she have to choose him? She never told Stella about her feelings for Lucian, it wasn't Stella's fault, at least that's what she convinced herself. It was more just upset with the world, upset with fate. There are so many damn people in this school, and yet it had to be him.

She wiped the tears from her eyes, sucking in a breath. It was just the day before that he had told Blake he loved her, and yet it seemed fate just wasn't on her side. For the first time, someone told her they loved her, the first time in her entire life, and that appeared to not ever matter. Even if that happened, she would still end up alone, crying silently in a bathroom stall like a stupid child, like someone that had never been hurt before. She wasn't mad at Stella, and she certainly wasn't mad at Lucian, fate was nobody's fault. She was just frustrated by life, how it never seemed to give her a chance for a break, there was always something else to break her spirit. She learned long ago that most ways that life rewarded you would end up kicking you in the ass eventually, but it didn't stop the pain from seeping into every crevice of her heart when it finally happened. 

She just leaned back on the toilet base, trying to control herself, closing her eyes, and taking deep breaths. She hoped they would be cathartic, but they weren't. She did stop crying eventually, as she always did. She moved out of the stall at the moment she felt she could, moving up to the line of sinks. She glanced at herself in the crummy mirror, boyish with her short hair, eyes puffy from tears, her nose red, and unletting. But, just like every other time she cried, her features fell hard, un-letting in their reveal of what lay beneath. People got puffy eyes for any number of things, not necessarily just crying. So she left the bathroom, holding her books in her arms, walking down the hall past the other people. She didn't really know where she was going, maybe she would walk in circles, it's not like anyone would miss her presence otherwise.

"Blake!" a sudden call from behind had her stopping, turning to face behind her as she spotted Zac. His bruises had started turning green and yellow, and his temple healing from its slice. She watched as he moved through a few people, approaching her.

"Hi" she responded gently, giving him a soft smile. He walked along with her, down the halls in a nice silence.

"Did you and Stella have a fight?" she asked suddenly, glancing up at him. He appeared surprised by her words, shaking his head.

"No, we didn't. Why do you ask?" he questioned. She just shrugged her shoulders, moving past another person in the hall.

"I just noticed you guys haven't been spending as much time together anymore" she responded simply

"Your right about that" he responded, they met eyes as they walked. "I think she's done with me" she looked confused by his words

"Why do you say that?" she asked, intrigued by his tight features

"What do I say? She got what she wanted out of me" that didn't clarify her confusion. She wanted to ask, but didn't find enough courage to do so. What did she want from you?