The Heartthrob Won't Leave

Chapter Fifty-Four (New Chapters)

She sat on the log, staring at the fire. She wasn't quite sure how long she had done so, but looking at it was soothing and terrifying all at once. It gave her those flashes, of screaming in pain, the smoke in her lungs and the horror of nearly burning alive. Fire was such an integral part of life, granted not as important as it used to be, but still present. She couldn't understand how something so destructive could be contained like this, and how the people surrounding it could be by without a care in the world, when at only moment it could get out of control and burn them all. She felt her hands start to shake in her lap, glancing up at Lucian. He was standing nearby, a drink in his hand conversing to people she didn't know, Mikayla, Janet and Jane sitting across from her on the opposite log immersed in heavy discussion about which Star Wars character was the best. The flames flashed before her eyes, erratic reflections and wild rumors, it was like it spoke to her in a sinister manner, making fun of her for being so weak.

"Hey" she turned her head, smiling gently at the sight of Zac standing beside her "can I sit?" he asked, gesturing to the empty spot on the log beside her.

"Of course" she shifted slightly to give him more room, pulled to the edge so he could wedge himself between her and the random people at the other end. She felt more comforted that he was there, a familiar face to control the demons.

"It's nice out tonight, isnt it?" he claimed, gesturing with his cup to the sky above. It was full of stars flickering, the sparks of the fire dissipating within its blanket.

"Yes" she responded, smiling slightly "There aren't any stars in the city, they're all erased by the streetlights"

"Makes the sky look empty" she nodded in agreement, noticing the way her thigh pressed against his. There certainly wasn't any more room on the log. She found herself glancing over at Lucian every few moments, hoping that he wouldn't spy Zac sitting next to her and start another fight.

"I wanted to apologize" she exclaimed, meeting his eyes in the dancing light within his own

"What for?" he asked, curious features.

"What Lucian said to you the other time, it was wrong. I'm sorry" she claimed, glancing down at her cold-locked hands against her lap.

"Oh? That? He already apologized" she perked up hearing that, watching as he took another swig from the cup in his hand.

"Really? He never told me" she responded

"Perhaps, for once in a blue moon, he did something without attempting to impress you" Zac responded with a laugh. She did too, feeling the urge to twiddle her thumbs.

"Does he really try so hard?" she asked

"It's funny how you don't even notice when he does" he retorted "As someone who's known him for as long as I have, I can tell when he's completely taken by something" she rubbed her bare arms, feeling a little embarrassed at the thought. It was still strange, hearing that someone else actually liked her instead of despised her, it was strange and alien still "A guy knows when he has to take his hat from the ring"

She glanced at him, wondering what he meant, but she didn't have the courage to ask. She watched the way he stared at the flames too, they reflected in his eyes.

"I knew how you felt and I didn't act..." she just looked away, at the forest surrounding them. It looked black and thick, somewhere one could so easily get lost in "I was selfish and stupid" maybe she didn't want to look at him, or perhaps the nothing was just so interesting she couldn't look away

"Everything happens for a reason" she spoke simply, letting out a soft breathe "things always end up the way their meant to be, no matter how much you try to change direction" The moment between them, the second of silence, it wasn't as suffocating as the thought it would have been

"I guess you're right" she smiled slightly at his words, feeling her shifting thumbs finally relax. She turned her head, smiling at him. She was happy, so happy that the thought of containment felt so overwhelming. Lucian made her capable of happiness

"Friends?" she asked, holding out her hand. He responded with a pull to the lips, nodding and taking it into a hardy shake.

"I approved you being in her presence-" they both turned to look up at Lucian standing in front of them, partially blocking the heat of the fire "I did not approve of hand touching" Blake just snorted, letting out a laugh as she stood up from the log. He looked down at her, his eyes twinkling in the night. She said goodbye to the others, holding his hand in her own as they walked away from the light of the fire. She leaned against his shoulder as they walked down the path, glancing up at the stars.

"Thank you for reigning it in...at least a little bit" she whispered

"Well, something he once told me kept bouncing around in my head" he responded gently

"What was that?" she asked, intrigued. It wasn't often that he admittedly took Zac's advice

"I'll tell you one day" he responded simply. She felt when he pressed a kiss to her temple, making her cheeks redden. They made their way back to the cabin, up the stairs. He turned on the light as they entered the room, and she found herself stopping by the door, his hands slipping from hers when he went over to his bag, searching for something she didn't know. She just glanced at the bed, the anxiety from a few hours coming to the surface. Her body snapped, moving on its own over to her own bag. I need a moment. She pulled her toothbrush and toothpaste from a ziploc in the front pocket.

"I'm going to the bathroom" she said quickly, not waiting for his answer before she left through the door, walking the short distance down the hall to the bathroom. She shut the door, locking it and turning on the light. She looked at herself in the mirror, cheeks flustered and eyes streaking. She tried to reign in her feelings, brushing her teeth, looking at the reflection of her eyes in the mirror. What does he even see in you? She couldn't answer that question for the hell of it, after all, it was well known that feelings of love didn't exactly follow basic logic sometimes. She thought about Stella suddenly, the way she looked as a child, her long chocolate hair falling gently across her shoulders, her small hands and fluttering lashes. So many people always told her that Stella wasn't really a friend, but she didn't listen to them. She loved Stella, despite how illogical that may have been too. There's always been more than one kind of love.

Her mind was wondering again, and she felt stupid, spitting the toothpaste into the sink, wiping it from the corners of her mouth. Growing up was hard. She thought about that bed, about Lucian. Sex indeed was one of those parts of life that dictated when someone had become an adult, hadn't it? Like a twisted rite of passage into the rest of miserable adulthood. But, I'm just not ready. She sighed, feeling like such a prude. Eventually Lucian would get fed up with her and move on, maybe go fuck melody again. That bitch had cut her hair off, she was bonkers and unstable. She had hoped to god Melody wouldn't be there this weekend, and somehow it appeared that hope had succeeded in being true. She hadn't seen her there anyways. She puffed her cheeks, splashing some cold water in the sink. I'll just have to be honest! Right out of the gate. Say 'Lucian, I'm not ready yet'. She pep-talked herself in the mirror, puffing out her chest slightly in a failed attempt to look intimidating. She left the bathroom, walking down the hall with steps of determination. She opened the door to the bedroom, getting mentally set.

"Lucian, I don't think I'm ready t-" she stopped at the sight in the room, her eyebrows raised at the sight on the bed, or lack thereof. He was already asleep, passed out in the bed and slightly snoring. He hadn't even bothered to turn the light off before he fell off to dreamland in nothing but his boxers on top of the sheets. She almost snorted, covering her mouth. She felt ridiculous suddenly. She had been panicking so much, and it all ended up being for nothing. She just sighed, placing her stuff back in her bag, quick to change her clothes to something more comfortable. She shut off the light, walking to the other side of the bed. She suddenly felt the need to be childish, taking a few of the extra pillows and placing them between them, like her own little wall barrier. She just shook her head at her own stupidity, crawled under the covers of the bed, digging her head into her pillow. She faced him, admiring his peaceful features. She was glad that he could be so relaxed around her. So, her eyes fell closed and she found herself drifting on a cloud, without an agenda nor a direction. It was just a cloud without a catch, the greatest kind.