You Don't Come Close.

15

I am drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk...even in my own head my voice is all slurred, slightly high pitched, but I'm in such a good mood, it's a fuckin' perfect night. I don't even know where exactly we are, but I keep on snorting coke in the restroom with no one complaining, so fuck it, we are right where I wanna be.

We were supposed to attend some weird party organized by Geffen for whatthefuckever boring business we-use- to- fuck- it- up- every- time- anyway- event but surely Alan never manages to keep us under control, especially not when it's the five us - all high and destructive out of boredom after having grabbed everything from the buffet we could eat or hide. They always have booze, yes, but in little glasses and with ice and hell, I hate it to be constantly worried if there'll be enough to get me more than just pleasantly buzzed.

Izzy will keep on nervously looking around, badly at hiding his worries to find a place to get his next fix and when his hands get shaky, Axl gets nervous as well, what means he's sassy, what means Steven and Duff will provoke him, making it worse - well, to make it short, we keep on bitching and getting into fights with each other. We'll be a loud, uncontrolled group of pissed off guys wanting to jump each others faces and as said...poor Alan.

Sometimes I'm wondering how much he hates us, but he never shows signs of real hatred- not even disappointment; there's just that resignation, annoyance and sometimes he's shouting at us what mostly never works, but I guess they knew whom to choose being able to deal with us and somehow he is- what also means that he's able to understand he can't stop us sometimes. Like today...he doesn't even tried.

We were outside not even half and hour after arriving, heading for somewhere else. This days it's a little rare for us to go out into public clubs all together, cause by now people keep on recognizing us. We can also stay home, getting high all on our own, no sharing, no hiding- but that doesn't mean we don't enjoy nights like that. It's still the same: we are an intoxicating mixture and it's not a guess that I'll end up totally fucked up- it's definite.

I don't know where the others are though, but I also doesn't care. It's not the constant being together, it's the certainty that we gang up against everyone and everything if necessary. Especially when Axl joins.

I still barely remember the last time with Axl in a club...just that hazed, dream like mess of half shady images, so I'm halfway happy he disappeared somewhere with Izzy.

I am too drunk and way too happy to come near him and I haven't even started with my third bottle

---

Stay, stay, stay or go. Fuck, fuck, fuck it. Whatever. Where is my beer? Oh...right there in my hand but I fuckin' lost my cigarettes, what's pissing me off like hell. I wanna smoke when I wanna smoke, but I'm too lazy to get up and organize some new ones.

I just need a wet pussy to fuck. I don't even know if I am able to get it up, but I guess some more blow and I will fuck everyone and everything- and Axl. Especially Axl. I name him separately, cause he's not everyone. He's my beautiful, right now very pissed off Axl sitting beside me and yes, it may be a good idea to talk to him now or not. I don't care.

"Axl..."

"Yeah?"

"You", and I lean over, trying to whisper, dangerously swaying, "you...you're so sexy tonight...I-"

"Quit it."

"Nooo...I-"

"Shut your mouth, bastard."

"But baby-"

"Don't call me baby."

He grimaces, clicking his tongue, but I just ignore him.