shadow » h.s

sixteen

h a r r y

"I'm sorry," I tell Jess quietly, my fingers gently gripping her flushed cheeks. "I'll kill anybody who ever tries to lay even a finger on you."

The thought of anybody hurting the innocent, shy girl in front of me creates a mixture of anger and pain, and I can only begin to think how Jess must be feeling right now. She nods slowly, her blue eyes blinking back tears as she looks up to me. I'm not used to situations like these caring and intimate ones. Usually when I'm with a girl it's just to mess around and for sex, though Jess strangely opens up a page inside me and makes me feel important.

A feeling I never in my life have come across before.

"Can I do anything?" I ask in a tiny whisper as a silent tear falls down Jess' cheek, the sight paining me. By looking at Jess you wouldn't believe how much she's been through.

"No," she says and her voice cracks. "I'm fine...I just haven't thought about it in a long time."

I nod and bow my head, running the tips of my fingers down Jess' jaw and tilting her chin up to meet mine. Our lips brush gently and I press a soft kiss to her lips, gripping the small of Jess' back with my palm. This could be the first time I've kissed a girl without holding a trace of thought about fucking her afterwards. 

"Thank you," she whispers when I release her lips, my mouth still millimeters away from hers. 

"Who hurt you?" I dare ask, expecting Jess to shake her head and push me away. That's what I would have done. Instead her gaze falls to the small amount of space between us and she lets out a weak answer. 

"My uncle," she says in a nervous tone and I let my forehead rest against hers. She seems to relax a little at the gesture. "I went to stay with him for a while after mum died."

"What happened?"

"It was only one time," she tells me, her voice so quiet I can barely hear her mumbling words. "He came home drunk and began shouting at me. I  um," she pauses to brush another escaped tear. I wish she would have let me do it. "I tried to take away his drink but he pinned me against the wall," she pauses again and looks up at me, her eyes blank for a moment before she flattens her palms against my chest. I'm immediately away from the troubled girl, my legs taking me backwards to the other side of the room. 

Her words flood my head with the memories from my own past. We're more alike in more ways than I thought. 

"He smashed the bottle to the right of my head," she continues despite the sudden memory and flips her hair over to the left of her shoulder, turning lightly and running her shaking fingertips over the slight wound positioned below her ear. I mentally frown...how did I not notice the cut before?

"He then used the remains of the glass to slice across my...chest," she settles quietly. "It's ugly."

My heart warms at her words, my blood stilling as she finishes and shrugs, a nervous smile appearing at her lips. The gesture is nothing close to happiness. 

"And that's why you didn't want me to take your shirt off," I answer my own question from earlier. She nods and looks down at her fingers. 

"What happened to him?" I ask, a sudden burst of anger rushing through my veins. "Your uncle."

"I told Niall," she says, cautiously looking up to me. "He told the police." Despite my anger and hatred towards the blonde boy I mentally thank him for protecting the girl I seem to be quickly falling for. 

"If he ever comes even the slightest bit close to you, I'll fucking kill him."

"Don't," Jess says in a whisper. 

"What?" 

"Don't get yourself wound up. Don't get angry."

"Don't tell me what to do," I mutter coldly even though I know she's right. Jess rolls her eyes at me and I frown. This girl never ceases to surprise me. 

A silence falls upon the two of us, though it's a comfortable one. 

"Can I ask you something this time?" Jess asks cautiously, her lip harshly taken by her teeth. "About your family."

"No," I am quick to respond and I know this is the answer she was expecting to hear. 

"Please? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Fine," I grumble and sink into the mattress, letting my elbows rest on my jean covered knees. 

"Don't you ever want to go back?" She asks in a tiny utter. "To see your sister."

"I want to sometimes," I admit, a frown battling my expression. "But I can't. I can't ever go back."

"Why?" She asks softly. The graciousness and kind in Jess' voice makes the hairs on my neck stand. What I'd do to kiss every part of her body right now. 

"They're scared of me," I say and let my eyelids fall closed. "Well, my mum. She's scared of me."

 "Oh," Jess utters softly. "I'm not scared of you."

"You should be," I tell her. I'm right and she deserves to know. "I'm bad for you."

"I know," Jess smiles a little, her eyes holding more affection and light than I've never seen before. "I don't care."

"You should," I continue to warn her though she shakes her head and walks over to me, parting my legs and standing between them. 

"Well I'm not," Jess says with confidence and continues to smile. "You won't hurt me."

"No," I shake my head, agreeing with her. "I'll never hurt you."

"I know," she repeats. "There's good inside of you somewhere," she teases. I smile and look up at the dark haired girl, her tears dried beneath her eyes. 

"You've been through so much," I let the words roll off my tongue, a softness to my voice that I'm certain I've never heard before. Jess shrugs and chews on her lip, a gesture that would usually get me turned on. It's different with Jess. 

"What can you do," the dark haired girl speaks and shrugs again. "So have you."

"I haven't told you anything," I say slightly coldly. I can't help it...it's a natural response when anybody brings up my past. 

"You did...about your mum."

"That's nothing," I say with an angry sigh. "There's so much more."

"You haven't told me any more...I..."

"And I won't be telling you," I snap. Jess recoils as if I've hit her and the gesture sinks my heart. My mind screams at me to stop and apologise but my words continue to slip. I've buried myself so deep with lies and anger in the past few years that it seems I'm not even able to control myself anymore. "You'll never know, Jess. So don't get your hopes up."

"I wasn't," she frowns. I want to brush away the sad expression that I've just caused. "It doesn't matter anyway."

It's silent for a moment and I mentally slap myself. Why can't I be normal? Why can't I treat her how she deserves to be treated?

"I need to study..." she says quietly, looking away from me. "You should go."

My heart sinks and I look to the floor, standing from the bed. 

"Bye," I say and she nods, biting down on her bottom lip again. With no more words I unlock the door and leave Jess' dorm, anger swelling inside of me.