Infestation

A Little Obsessive

I don't recall a lot about the year when I was eight years old to be honest, it was sort of an uneventful year man. I mean, I started gymnastics at this time, which is important to note for sure, especially for later in all this. I mean the only things I remember from second grade are Harry Potter and Star Wars. I was damn obsessed with them, especially Anakin Skywalker. I sort of, I don't know, I wanted to be him in a sense, like I aspired to be him. I would furrow my brows like he did and I still have this little crease from doing that for like a year I would even carry around this little figure of Anakin, just in my hand at all times, it was insane man, but I mean it was a part of me I guess. It's sort of funny to be honest because now I actually cosplay him seriously and I have his face, well it's more like Kylo Ren's but still, I wanted so badly to be Anakin, and now I sort of am. Things come full circle sometimes, and this was pretty much that. It actually fascinates me sometimes how this stuff goes around and comes around.

Ok, but gymnastics I started the sport along with ballet, and ballet started to go twice a week for an hour. Saturday and Thursdays. I was still a lil chub in second grade, but I wasn't actively restricting. I was exercising and stuff for sure, and I do remember a lot of weird thoughts and actions that I would engage in as well. It was weird, but I guess I've always had this weird obsessive exercise habit from the time I was extremely young.

First I'd do sit ups and crunches and lots of push ups in my room because I thought that those would burn a lot of calories. Like I would do 30 sit ups and 20 push ups every few hours in my room to lose weight because exercise is clearly the only way to lose weight. (I'm being sarcastic, sorry for those who aren't good with sarcasm). Truthfully that wasn't super insane, but the other stuff I'd do along with it, ohh man. I was one of those pro-ana butterfly people before I ever played anything other than Lego Star Wars on my computer. I would punch my stomach a lot to try and get myself to stop eating food. I knew nothing about calories, I thought that fasting was the only way to lose weight, so everyday was just me failing at fasting, which I found sort of funny now, but back then it was serious. I felt so, excuse my language, fucking low about myself I just wanted to stop eating for good, but I couldn't. It was wild man. I would try and copy my friend's portions of everything. I tried to just eat what she did because I thought that eating what she ate would make me lose weight and shrink to her size ,which I mean, that isn't wrong, but so damn stupid. I mean my meals then were ridiculous creations. For breakfast we'd (When I say we I mean my friend, her sister, my sister and me) eat two waffles with Nutella, every single day really. It was the weirdest thing.

I never fully explained a background with this friend, so ok, here goes finally with an explanation. My parents are musicians and so they play concerts and gigs every Saturday, and they have been since before I was born, and you know they can't leave two children alone every saturday for 5+ hours, so they'd take my sister and I to my friend's place (I refuse to use names ok, it's easier) to sleep over, and yeah it was sorta cool. They had all these crazy contraptions I'd never seen before. We'd role-play or play with dolls and figurines, as I'd always have my Anakin figure, he was the Revenge of the Sith version with all of his luscious curls, we'd have these games and we'd always have a bad guy and the good side. There was always some sort of "mean machine" that would turn the good characters bad and then they'd become minions towards the overarching bad guy. Then the remaining good guys would have to get the minions back into the "good machine" and they'd be good again. This was usually the plot of every game we'd play, and it never got old to be honest. Ever. Then we'd either watch movies or just talk. I would stand or do athletic things in their little basement area by their fireplace. I would do failed cartwheels and such, but it was all good and it was all in good fun.

I remember always playing with Star Wars with my friend, and it was the coolest thing for me. I really loved Star Wars as a kid, and I still do, I've always been a sucker for it for sure. I have a massive box full of figurines, and when I was young I'd go to collector's yard sales and buy out as much as my mom would let me. I found this Padme figurine from Episode I and my friend fell in love with it and she asked to keep it. I agreed, and we'd play for hours as Anakin and Padme, she had this massive playhouse in her room and we'd play in it for hours on end. My whole childhood was spent creating stories and becoming characters, it wasn't bad, if I wasn't so obsessed and scrutinized for my body.