Infestation

Now You Hang From Shit, Apparently

 Sophmore year was truly the year of change; ridiculous change. I became a completely different person. I walked in on day one with the schedule. I hadn't finished my book for honors english. I had read half of Watership Down, and for the first few days of school I decided to wear this awful black wig. I had this online presence now, where I had black hair, not blonde. The first few days of school were also when my habits became prominent. The exact same thing everyday, at least what I ate everyday.

The first day of school was also the day I swore to be assertive about my name and pronous, so I told every teacher, and I told them to use he/him. Most were compliant, some needed some egging and reminding.

I was determined to finally transition this year, and even had an appointment with an endocrinologist in October.

The first day of school was also the day of aerials, and my first ever class. This day was life-changing; not exactly that day, but it opened the world. I remember walking into the little space and being surprised.

See, I thought this was going to be a dance class.

I walk in and see silks, trapeze bars, lyras, and other apparati. I wasn't sure I wanted to do it, but I kept going, and during warm-up I wanted to do so much gymnastics, and show-off that I was an ex-gymnast. They caught on, and figured it pretty fast.

Climbing the silk for the first time was so terrible. It was hard, I was weak, and nothing worked. The trapeze hurt, it was scary, and my hands could barely hold. Lyra also hurt, it pinched, and nothing made sense. At this point I thought I would just stop after the month. I didn't like it...shocking I know.

At this point it was only once a week, and between the classes, it was school, and on Saturdays I'd hit up my old gym and train some gymnastics. I loved the sport, hated the way I was being coached.

The next Tuesday I dyed my hair. It was shit and it was box dye, but I was desperate for a change, and it made life easier. I could stop wearing wigs and no one would suspect a thing.

I was at 5k followers by the end of August, and I had created this routine. I would do the same thing. I worked out nightly with songs, I'd dance and do conditioning during the workouts. The first one was 36 minutes long, and the songs on it became extremely familiar. This entire month had an odd look, it seemed it all felt red, the sky was red, my hair was red. It was so red.

Pride. I went to my first pride in Bloomington. I was wearing my Silent Planet shirt. The Heal Us one, and I wore my red skinny jeans, and a rainbow bandana around my wrist to hide open cuts, because I had relapsed again. I straightened my hair, made it super emo and put a rainbow into my brows. I was ready for a day of queer.

Andddd then on the first moment I bought a trans flag, so I could finally have one. I passed pretty well; apparently except for my voice. The person who ran the both misgendered me...right after buying a trans flag, and seeing a little button with my pronouns on it.

I didn't care to correct the man, as it wasn't worth my time. I wouldn't really see him again. I was going with my friend, the same one who I hung out with all summer, and walking in I saw a rig with a grey silk, and I got excited. I had found a little bit of love for aerial after the third week, but it wasn't a complete love yet.

So I walked through the festival. It was a small town festival. It was almost like any other small midwestern town festival, except it was so much more queer and accepting. I saw so many folks I had seen once or twice, and even met some folks who followed me on Instagram. That was the first time I had experienced that.