Infestation

You're Obviously Not Ok

       I weighed myself.

After fighting myself for a solid hour. I knew it wouldn't be a great idea, but my head was dead set.

124. After food. Completely relieved I hadn't gained weight, I could feel a weight lifted off of my chest; yet also a new one had set, as I went to aerial that night, knowing my weight, I felt oddly different. The environment had almost shifted. The air seemed very different.

That night I got curious and hopped on the scale again.

122.8. Oddly ecstatic that I was under 123, even if it was just by a tiny bit. I went to bed that night giddy. I wasn't sure what would happen, but it would be interesting.

The next morning I awoke and immediately went to the scale...after peeing of course.

121.8.

I couldn't believe it. I was actually seeing the loss, I was finally losing weight?

Holy shit.

So then day three, and I awoke at 120.8. Was I losing a pound a day? Crazy.

Too good to be true.

As it was. I stalled at 120.4, and i wasn't sure why. I was clueless on how weight worked. I didn't know of water weight or the fact that taking a crap meant I'd be lighter on the scale. I knew none of it.

So I stalled at 120.4 during Comic Con weekend. I had my debut as Kylo Ren, and came back as Anakin.

Saturday was wild. I had eaten 800 calories almost to a T. I walked about 20,000 steps and spent the night at a concert. I saw The Contortionist and Sleepmakeswaves. I was in awe for the night, and exhausted.

Sunday morning I awoke at a friend's place, and had slept on a couch. The breakfast was a solid four slices of bread and nothing else. I would get more Subway at the convention. Getting there was lonely, as I couldn't find my folks for a hot second, but once I did, I found it a good weekend.

I did go home at four, and the first thing I did was weigh myself. 118.4. In a weekend it was two pounds. Obviously not all of it was real, but in just four days I had lost six pounds.

I'm still not sure if the scale made me eat less subconsciously or if I was just doing so. I didn't change too much about my diet, except that dinner was at 3 pm instead of 1 pm. I began to count calories, and this time it became almost religious. I had my calculator open at all time, but I had this routine that I never strayed from anyway. It was easier that way. There was no added panic of unexpected food.

There was an odd feeling that started to happen a lot more frequently around this point. It was the instinct of the body. It kept wanting more food after I was finished with the planned meals. I was always going through packs of gum like they were candy to subside the urge to eat. I was always hungry, and I knew it had to stop. I had to devise a solution.

It started by taking just a bit longer to walk to lunch, so I wouldn't have time to eat everything I brought. The first thing I hadn't finished was a sandwich. I brought the rest back with me to class, and I tore it apart in tiny pieces to eat it. It was another way to make the food last longer. The second day it was a whole sandwich, and then the third was a granola bar. It kept going, and soon I literally wouldn't eat during lunch, but during the classes afterwards. I would eat in such peculiar ways as well. The granola bars were always broken up into the smallest pieces, and then I would eat them; chew them until they were liquid and swallow. The Goldfish were the same. I would always have exactly 55 Goldfish crackers in a ziplock bag. I ate them by eating the tail first, and then the top of them; sucking on the pieces until they just came off in my mouth. It seems absolutely insane, and other folks seemed to never mention anything. They just assumed I ate strangely. I started to try and take the long way to lunch, as well as walk super slowly. It was all to waste time, so I wouldn't have time to eat. It was all a bit of a game.