[Del]'s Diary

ENTRY TWENTY-FIVE

Another night of strange dreaming. Dreaming is not even the right word. Inhabiting? The dream was wrong. I mean bad, yes, but also wrong somehow. Too vivid. Too strong. Too in the flesh. I’m still shaken.

I dreamt I was in a man’s body—a different man’s now, only his body feels to me the way I imagine a large cat with stripes would. Strong. Aloof. Confident. Dangerous. Inside of this man, I feel a strange hunger I can’t explain. I feel as if I’m bigger and larger than anything the world can contain and that I could swallow the Earth, if I wanted. And I want. All of it. At the same time, I still feel too big for my own skin, which is strange because I am a large man, with tanned red skin and blond woolly arms.

The cerulean blue sky smacks the red dusty earth all around me. A few brambles and cacti are the only features that dot the landscape. On a dirt road, I prowl towards an old aqua colored car that has flipped on its neck, with smoke rising from its mouth. By old I mean, not old as in decayed — it looks brand new — but old as in....not of this time. From when cars were big and had shiny bobs and metal trim on them. Though who is to say what time I am in now, in this room, anyways? Perhaps I am in the past and writing the future as I speak.

At the passenger side, I crouch down and look in. A crumpled skirt with a daisy print appears to me as if on the tumble-dry cycle. I reach in and pull out the life-sized ragdoll that wears it. I lay her flat as she moans. Her head is bleeding, soaking her tawny brown hair, and onto her skin the color of coffee with cream. My mouth waters as for some reason I think she must taste sweet and laugh in my baritone voice at the thought.

My laugh, his laugh, startles her and she looks up with almond-shaped honey brown eyes. But they widen with terror upon recognizing me. She begins to fight and scratch and scream with everything inside of her. But I pin her inner thighs with my knees and hike up her skirt with my calloused hands. A power I’ve never felt before rushes to my groin.

Inside the car, I can see a man with thick black hair, still strapped in his seat upside down. His head lolls back and forth as he coughs from the smoke.

I don't know how I managed to pull the loose necktie off round my neck while she fights, but there it is, round hers now. She stops fighting and gives up, powerless to stop me.

But as long as I am still inside the man, I fight with all my might to stop his actions: my actions. I rail inside this beast like he's my cage. But he is too powerful. Too in command of his own body to allow me to seize it and take control. If only I could take command of him, I can save her. Or at least stop.

But it was only a dream, so it’s not like I really did anything wrong, right? (marginalia: or maybe he’s the reason I am here)

[Deleted]