Spring Break

26

I see him everywhere. Everywhere I go I see something about him or I see him.

My therapist called and said Austin talked to him. Austin agreed to pay for my therapy sessions. They said he said "anything to help her get better. I just want her to love me".

I try to go back to my life of partying. Smoking weed, random hate sex, and drinking. I just miss him. However this is best. His career means more.

"So what's going on Brooke" Dr. All said.

"Um I'm still back to my old way of life. Living it up" I shrugged.

"Now do you think this makes you happy" she asked.

"Well it stops me from from thinking about him and distracts me from all the bad things in life" I said blankly.

"Why do you want to get away from him so bad do you not love him" she asked.

"I don't know. Of course I have some type of undiscovered feelings for him but I'm bad for him. I'm a bad influence. I drink and smoke a lot. And after Jourdan he's been distracted by hating me. Maybe not hating me but not being as happy as he was when we first got together" I said.

"Why are your feelings undiscovered" she asked.

"I can't say like because the feelings I have are stronger than like but I can't say love. It's impossible for me to love or someone to love me. No one has ever loved me so I don't know what it is completely. I'm scared. Scared to love someone. I might do it wrong. I can't keep a connection with someone long  enough because I can't communicate or show affection or anything like that. It's just impossible for me" I went on.

After my session I had to go drink. I just couldn't handle all the thought clouding my mind. I sat outside the liquor store downing a bottle of Hennessy and a bottle of Ciroc.

The cold liquids stung as the rushed down my throat. My body continued to get drunk. I had to pee. That was the thought going through my mind at the moment. So I got up and started walking. I just walked and walked until I ended up at a house. Who's I don't know. My drunk mind just took me for a walk.

I knocked on the door and waited. The person that opened the door was familiar. It was Zach.

"Brooke hey what's going on" Zach asked.

"I got to pee" I said walking past him.

I went up the stairs to what a bathroom and handled my business. When I was finished I walked out and into my bedroom.  Austin was in bed sleeping so I decided to wake him up.

I went over and moved the blanket. I pulled down his underwear slowly so I didn't wake him up. Before I knew it I was sucking his dick. Deep throating it and slurping and all. I heard him moans but when I looked up he looked as if he were sleep. I continued until he woke up.

"Brooke what are you doing" he asked shocked to see me.

"Well I was thinking I'll do you a favor and you'd do me one" I giggled.

"You're drunk" he breathed.

I looked at him blankly and blinked. I  think.

"So I can still use some dirty pleasure" I winked.

"We shouldn't you're drunk and I'd be taking advantage of you" he said.

"Austin please" I whined.

Eventually I got my way. Austin and I fucked hard. He showed me no mercy. Something these other guys don't show me.

I glad my drunk mind stirred me here. I can't walk correctly but I'm sure happy with it.

I don't want to say I love him because what is love. I can't love.