Call Me Ella (ft. Niall Horan)

Chapter 31 - Satisfaction

Chapter 31 - Satisfaction

It feels weird to wake up and remember the latest events. All the things that took place yesterday and for a moment I just want to stay in bed and mourn for the things I had to give up on. For Niall. Because until now, until the moment I wake up and realise I don’t have him anymore, I didn’t think he meant that much to me. It hurts, it hurts really bad that I had to give up on him in order to be at ease with myself.

It’s true when people say you can’t have everything in life. I couldn’t have Niall and my dreams and fight. Both were not compatible and I just have to accept that. I made my choice already and although it hurts, I have to move on. I said it already, I’ve been fighting Rhonda for years, I’ve known Niall for less than three months, it can’t be that hard to get over him.

Well, a little voice in my head says that it will be hard because he wasn’t just a summer fling or that nice guy I met during my last summer in the retreat centre, he’s Niall, that cheesy boy that made me so happy with simple things, who made me realise that celebrities are just normal people and they also deserve an escape. They need it. He’s the guy who always laughs at my lame jokes, the guy who made me embrace my sappy side.

Of course it’s going to be hard to move on and get over him.

But if I had chosen him, after time I would’ve hated him because I gave up my fight and what was so important to me for him. I would’ve blamed him and myself and it would’ve been worse. It’s better like this, to end things when they were still beautiful and not when the relationship was all broken. I only have good memories from my time with him. Isn’t that better?

I leave my bed because staying here, dwelling on the things I lost and I can’t have back isn’t like me. I’m not a weak needy girl who needs a boy to make her move on. I can solve my own problems, I can do this. I have only nine days left.

The first thing I do when I’m ready to start my workday is to switch floors with Cami again. She looks confused so I tell her. “Niall and I broke up,” because of course she knew something was going on. She was kind of an accomplice in all this.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry, Ella,” she says but I shake my head.

“It’s fine. I just don’t want awkward meetings,” I tell her with a smile and she nods, but she still looks sad for me, maybe sadder than I look.

So I avoid Niall because it hurts knowing he’s not mine anymore, but seeing him would only make me feel worse and I don’t want that. I’m sure this is the best choice and I don’t want him trying to tell me that I need to change my mind, that we should be together because even when I want that, there are more important things in life.

Later that day, after I’ve successfully avoided Niall and Harry, even Charlie and Liv, I go to Rhonda’s office not because she’s called me, but because I need this to give me the strength to keep going. I need to do this to make sure I did the right thing because as twilight gets closer, I feel that need to go to Niall like I normally do and I can’t afford myself a moment of weakness.

“Arabella, dear! What a surprise. Do you need something, my child?” Rhonda asks when I walk in and I feel sick again at the way she looks at me.

“In fact, I need to tell you something,” I say and she keeps smiling at me, sweeter than I’ve ever seen her smiling. With more love than when she looks at Jenny and Kimmy and this is the most horrendous thing I’ve ever seen.

“Of course, you can tell me anything, Arabella. I’m your mother, I’m here for you.”

I clench my fists, controlling myself not to attack her for saying that. She’s not my mother and she will never be. My mother died and no one will ever replace her, and most certainly not Rhonda.