Substance over Styles | H.S.

XLI. The Green Snake

Hi everyone!

Here's another chapter for you so make sure you've read the previous ones. I hope you're still enjoying Substance ove Styles, but sadly it's almost over. Three more chapters to go after this one and an epilogue. I feel like I'm repeating myself quite a lot. Haha, sorry.

In pic you can see the gorgeous Ian Somerhalder as Erik Johnson.

Anyway, enjoy...

~*~

What the fuck had I done?

Or better, what the fuck was I about to do?

This was so unlike me, unlike everything I stood for. I wasn't the kind of person who just slept around, especially not at the office. But to make matters worse, I was about to have some naughty naughty sex with Harry of all people.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair after leaning my elbows down on my desk and closing my eyes. I was such a bad person, because I did the exact thing I promised myself I wouldn't do for his sake.

I gave him hope.

I cursed at the mixed signals I was giving and cursed at my general confusion. The more time passed, the more I didn't know what I wanted anymore. In those two months on my own, everything made sense. I was to never see him again and just move on. But now, working here, so closely to him, had changed everything and even my brain wasn't convinced that moving on was the best thing anymore.

So many thoughts raced through my mind. He had hurt me, beyond ability to fix it or so I thought. Yet here I was only minutes ago, finally finding that much needed solace and serenity in the arms of the one person who ruined everything. It had felt so good to almost be with him, so right. But I knew it was wrong. It was a dysfunctional situation to be in.

We were dysfunctional.

People deserved a second chance, I was fully aware of it. But this was already his second chance. He had hurt me in the past; I had forgiven him in the past; he had promised me he would never hurt me again and yet he did exactly that.

Could I trust my broken heart in his hands one more time?

I honestly didn't know. The trust was gone and the idea of ever trusting him again, was so vague, so far away. Yet so so close whenever I was with him. His smile and laugh did so many things to me, meant so many things to me. I was a lost cause and the only thing that seemed the least bit logical to become a good cause again, was to get rid off the venom.

And sadly Harry was the venom.

Venom that sometimes, even most of the past times, turned into sweet and rich nectar that would keep me alive for eternity. We were still in desperate need of a talk, but with the current situation I was even more in a state of denial. The conversation would mean I had to make a decision. I wasn't ready. I just couldn't. I loved him too much to let him go.

But I had finally learned to love myself too. And loving him, had destroyed me twice.

I let my head fall down onto the desk with a loud bang. I banged it again and again, trying to clear my head and get on with my day. I heard my door open but I didn't pay attention to who it was.

"Everything okay there?" I looked up to find striking grey eyes looking down at me. I stood up and smiled at Erik Johnson, suggesting we should sit down with my outstretched hand.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, "Shall we begin?"

~*~

"So that's it for now." I said while looking up at Erik who was sitting next to me at my desk behind our laptops. Comparing to the meeting I had with Harry, this one went heavenly well. I was glad I could take my mind of the previous debacle of the day.