Yes, Sir || B.J.A.

-twenty six-

Today was a weird day. Today was a numb day. Today should be a happy day. 

Today is my eighteenth birthday. 

However, today was not a day of celebration. Today was a day of mourning. Now before you freak out, NO! No one has died. No one is on the verge of dying. None of that is happening. 

Today is the death of my social life. Of any relationships I have ever had. Any friendships. Any family. It all came to an end. 

I had already lost Michael, Calum, Ashton, and Luke a while ago at this point. And now I was going to lose Seb, Cole, Max and most importantly: Joey. Why?

Because today was the day I was going to tell Joey everything. Or as much as I can. I know Joey will freak out and hate my guts. I'm sort of expecting it really. 

I'm not calm at all about this. I just have to accept whatever will happen to me at this point. I'm in love with Billie Joe, as messed up as the situation and age gap is. But that's the funny thing about life. You're supposed to live it however you want to. You gain friends. You lose friends. And on some weird ass occasions, you fall in love with your music theory teacher. 

I had texted Billie Joe last night, telling him that I was going to come clean. He told me not to do it without him but it might be easier this way. I can't keep running. I have to do this.

I was currently on the phone with the devil himself and he would not stop trying to persuade me out of doing this.

"Melina I swear to God, I will leave this class I'm teaching right now to keep you from doing this." he said sternly. 

"Billie Joe I can't keep running from this. Karma is going to catch up to me eventually. And besides, Joey doesn't deserve being strung along for so long. I do have feelings for your son. I'm not totally heartless. I just don't... love him." 

I heard Billie Joe mumble "fuck" to himself before he continued.

"Please just let me be there for this." he sighed.

"And start World War 3? Hell no!" I retorted. 

"Melina I swear if you don't listen to me I will-" I didn't find out the rest because I had decided to hang up on him. Harsh? Totally. Will he get over it? Probably.

. . .

My hands were shaking as I approached the Armstrong house. I rang the door bell and moments later, Joey answered. "Hey babe, come on in" he smiled. 'Babe'. That only made me feel a million times worse for what I was about to do. 

"I'm so glad to see you cause now I can give you your birthday present" his smile didn't falter at my silence. God, why does he have to have such a nice smile? 

"You didn't have to get me anything" I meekly spoke. 

"That's girl code for obviously I had to get you something" he winked, making me blush slightly. Part of me really did like Joey. But there's a difference between like and love. And it's Billie Joe.

"Well I really have to tell you something Joey and I need to do it right now" I sighed, my heart rate speeding up like crazy.

He looked confused but agreed to it. He lead me to the living room and we sat down on the couch. 

I took his hand in mine, knowing it would be the last time I would have the chance to. "Joey. I'm going to be completely honest with you. I like you. And I trust you. And I think you deserve to know everything that is going on in my life right now. So here goes," I paused, trying to get my breathing back in order. 

"I never thought moving to Oakland would be such a roller coaster. I never thought I would have met so many people that affected me so much. I don't deserve them though, because even though they don't know it, I'm hurting them. I don't know why I'm doing this. It's such a shitty thing to do. And one of those people I'm hurting is you. So I'm sorry I can't accept your gift or you as a person because frankly, I don't deserve you and it's time that you knew that." 

His grip on my hand tightened, signalling for me to look at him. "Melina what the hell are you talking about? You don't deserve me? I don't deserve you! You're pretty much the coolest person I've ever met. You're so sweet and caring-"

"No I'm not Joey! I'm cruel. I'm toxic. I ruin every relationship I get into. I ruined Michael. I turned him into a manipulative asshole. And I can't let myself ruin you. I just can't, okay? I can't be with you because. Because I don't love you. I don't know why. You're basically perfect for me but you're just... not him." I mumbled the last part.

Joey looked shocked as hell. Why did I have to be so blunt?

"I'm not who?" he asked carefully. 

"You're not me." we heard a third voice come from the doorway of the living room.

Shit.

. . .

A/N: Well. 

Drama is coming boys and girls, prepare yourselves. Sorry for a short chapter but school is kicking my ass and I have five major assignments due this week and I just want to DIE.

Also can we talk about Green Day's AMAs performance last night like HELLO AMERICAN IDIOT ERA PART TWO IS HERE MY FRIENDS. And I'm in love (I'm from Canada but I cared more about America's election than Canada's election lmao). 

NO TRUMP. NO KKK. NO FASCIST USA. <3

Anyway, tell me what you think of this chapter and I'll love you forever probably. 

Rage & Love ~