I wanna go home and get back to my original state of mind.
I have the state of mind that involves love poems, beautiful song lyrics, animation, paintings, sculptures, my muse, anything.
The state of mind grover washington jr was trying to explain in 'Just the two of us'.
The "I see the crystal raindrops fall
And the beauty of it all
Is when the sun comes shining through
To make those rainbows in my mind
When I think of you sometime
And I want to spend some time with you" state of mind.
And then there's this state of mind.
The ones I'm in now the one that hunts and haunts me, the one that makes m it's bitch, the one that forces me to the way I am.
The one that changed single file lines from a elementary school command to a way of setting up my Bolivian marching powder.
The one that when ever I close my eyes I think of everything I've done wring, the state that make me hurt people I love with out meaning to, the one that forces me to remember that he's not here.
He's not here
He's never coming to another birthday
He's never coming to another wedding
He's never coming to vacation
He's never coming to any else involving me or the rest of us because he is g o n e.
He left the way that I've tired countless times either to scared to pull the trigger or to worried about my mother.
Pcp and lithium only soothe the pain like pain meds on you're period.
What kind of boy gets a period?
Not a really one.
Would he see me as a real boy? Would he mind me being gay, would he support me?
Would he care about me?
I'm scared and I'm lonely and they hate me, they h a t e me
I'm scared I'm alone I don't know what to do and getting better does seem to be happening fast enough....
I wanna get back to my other state of mind.
I wanna go back to writing poems about the sky, I wanna go back to write rhythms that bring chimes into every absurd word that dances and prances from my appendages.
I wanna go home... but my original home shot himself in the head November 3rd 2010 at 4:47 am at the grave of his younger sister.
