In My Dreams

Screaming

So closed in, wondering if this is all enough. Pleasing everyone. Being on top. Always positive and polite. Running through life. Wanted to take a moment to breath but the brain is on major speed. Wondering if anyone really knows you, really loves you or just what you do.

Sure you're perfect. But you never fit in. Your just waaayy too nice. Your friends onlycome to you to recieve and give good advice. You dream to have a friendship where you can laugh and offend each other. Where you can spill secrets and know milk won't drop on the floor. That friendship where you can just relex and be yoursel. Where you give one head shake and know what's up. However, you lost that potential friend because you care too much, because you're such a nice person.

You're afraid to lose those high expectations. You basically set your self up. The higher you go the lower you can't fall.

You are so quiet, won't let the bolts loose at all. You have so much on your mind that you let the milk turn spoil. You wanna scream, but tears only fall. You wanna know, but you don't ask questins. You wanna fly but you're afraid to fall. 

What more is left to do? Die in your shell so you won't have to worry about flying at all.

You stand lost when  something unexpected happens. You loose hope when someone else is on stage.

You're afraid to to let them down that you drive yourself crazy. You rack yourself for answers, you never make mistakes. You try to be perfect so no one can scar your name. When you make mistakes you cry. You failed yourself and you think everyoone wishes you would die.

Nothing is what you really hoped for. You know your happy when you don't gives a pigs butt. You know your successful when you actually want something. You know you make warm memories when you make mistakes. You know that you have more genuine friends when your having fun and acting cra. Yet your scared to let that ohh so 'promising' future get thrown away.

That's not what you really want. You want to have a rocking present. With a whole bunch of fun and friends. With great memories and success. For you to have fun when you're in trouble and for all those  dares making you a lasting memory on all those you visited heads.

Why worry so much, whan all you slaved for gets thrown away when you die? Why shorten your days just to have money? I know what you're doing has good intention, bu tthe one's your doing it for only wants you to be happy. 

Why compete in a world that won't remember your smiling face and amazing grace? Be happy and things won't be so all over the place. You don't have to be perfect becaus ethe people who love YOU will love you because you're YOU and because you love you.

Don't let the past weigh you down. Don't let future guilt get you now. Live life as you can and deal with the consequences later. 

I rather live  a life that makes me feel free than have millions of material and things around me.

My name is Deborah, that's who I am. Not a detail or the past can define me nor a person who sees only, the surface of me.  You don't know who I am, heck I don't know who I am. So who are humans to define me?