If I Lose Myself

Chapter Nine: Astoria

Chapter Nine: Astoria

December 1996

The harsh, cold winds blew against her face as she made her way towards Hogsmeade with Luna. Astoria was quiet for the most part as she listened to her friend talk about the latest sighting on the Crumple Horned-Snorkack. Usually, she'd be interested in all of this odd, but formidably interesting knowledge – but she didn't have the heart to get into it. In fact, she hadn't been quite herself for a number of weeks now.

Astoria was used to being ignored. She was used to being pushed to the side for her being a blood traitor and a Slytherin. Hardly any of her classmates that came from her house spoke to her, and other people outside Slytherin were either too scared or too judgmental about her being in the "evilest house in Hogwarts". It wasn't something she had hoped for since she started going to school here, but she had learned to become content with what she had. And what she had was her sister, oddly enough; Blaise, and Luna. And only weeks ago, she – in her own little way – had hoped that Draco would be added to that small, but meaningful list.

Oh, how wrong she was about that.

She and Draco went on with their tutoring sessions for the next week as planned after the "date" that they had down by the Black Lake. Everything seemed perfectly normal – he was still a pompous ass, he still tried to shimmy his way into writing his essays for him and he was just the same man that she's learned to somehow appreciate despite herself.

But then came the next week after that, and he looked at her like he'd rather die than to be anywhere near her. Astoria had assumed that he was just having a bad day and that they'd proceed with the usual tutoring. Yet one o'clock, two o'clock, and three o'clock into the afternoon of their scheduled sessions... he never came.

At first, she let it slide for that day – she'd question him at dinner or in the common room later on. But he never came to dinner, and she waited for what felt like an entire day in the common room and he hardly showed up. So she decided to shrug it off, hoping, really, that it might have been just a bad day for him.

Then Tuesday came, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday... He never came. It felt like being burned at the stake; like every part of her was being ripped off by piece. It occurred to her that maybe he was just having a bad week. Astoria gave him his space and resisted the urge to catch up to him in the hallways. But a week turned to weeks, and that's when she had enough. And really, as much as she respected his need to be alone – it was completely unacceptable for him to simply skip the tutoring that she'd been assigned to do.

How selfish could he be? Has it ever occurred to him that his grades aren't the only ones on the line, but hers as well? Honestly, the nerve of the man was as baffling as the first time she had a full conversation with him.

So Astoria resorted to slightly medieval methods. She tried to catch up to him in the halls, call his name over at the dinner table, and bombard him with questions whenever he enters the common room. It went on like that for days and he either, for most of the part, ignored her or told her to "Just scamper off, you filthy blood traitor".

And despite her discrepancy with Daphne over the horrendous letter she's sent to Luna, she was surprised to find her sister cornering Draco just as much as she did. While she never told her sister anything about Draco's odd behavior, she told Blaise – and naturally, he couldn't help but tell her sister. And just when the ridiculousness of the matter seemed to rise, Blaise told her to just drop it.

And so she did, but she never quite got over it.

Hogsmeade was always so beautiful in December. Everything was dotted in powdery snow, and carols played as people went about their Christmas shopping. It has always been Astoria's favorite holiday, with all the gifts and sweets she received from her family and what little friends she had as well as the Christmas spirit that came with it. But somehow, she had a feeling this holiday wouldn't be as festive as she or many other people had hoped.