If I Lose Myself

Chapter Twenty-Three: Astoria

If I Lose Myself
by EMPG22HoPe

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Chapter Twenty-Three: Astoria

October 1997

September melted into October as the new school year continues to be even more dreadful than Astoria had anticipated. She was starting to see what Daphne meant about false hope and staying neutral in with what's been happening inside Hogwarts lately. But Astoria, as she is, has always been defiant of anything she didn't think was right. Some might even say she has a bit of Gryffindor in her, and she may as well be proud to say it if it means doing what was right.

Before going back to Hogwarts, Cassandra and Cepheus Greengrass made some precautions to move Astoria into the Carrow twins'—Hestia and Flora's— dormitory. They thought that if Astoria was closer to the nieces of the deputy headmasters; her sharp tongue and questionable opinions might be overlooked by Amycus and Alecto. She doubted it would work, but she appreciated her parents' method of keeping her safe nonetheless.

It turns out; she actually enjoys Hestia and Flora's company. They've hardly spoken to each other during Slug Club dinners in the past year, but Astoria later regretted it being so when she finally moved into her new dormitory. The two other girls they shared the room with mostly kept to themselves, and knew better than to talk to either Astoria—the blood traitor—or the twins, the nieces of the deputy headmasters.

Hestia and Flora were likely the only girls she felt she could confide in safely. They had taken Daphne's place in that department, which was more than Astoria could ask for. She couldn't do much of confiding with Luna, and she felt incredibly guilty for it. But she knew that the more she spoke to Luna, the more difficult it would be for both of them; especially since Luna was a proud member of Dumbledore's Army.

It surprised her how the twins haven't ousted her to their aunt and uncle, knowing how defiant she was to the new school curriculum, especially the new Dark Arts subject. But it's not like the twins had anything to oust when Astoria herself was doing a well-enough job on her own being spiteful towards the medieval methods of Amycus and Alecto's subjects.

"Honestly, it's like you have a death wish," Flora Carrow told her off one Saturday morning as they walked out of the Great Hall after breakfast. "Or something similarly ghastly."

Astoria shot Flora what was hopefully an apologetic look. Yesterday had not been a very good Dark Arts lesson, considering how Astoria had yet again voiced her dislike for the subject's newer and more "advanced" ways of procuring dark magic inhumanely. It must have taken some very drastic convincing from Hestia and Flora to stop their uncle from killing her on sight.

"I don't see why you would even bother, Tori. People have been doing dark magic for centuries, eons, even. It's not something new." Hestia added with a quirk of a brow beside her.

"But to teach them to underage students? It's distressing!" Astoria could not shake off the way half the class looked when Amycus taught them how to use the Imperius Curse. She can't even imagine what they must be feeling, let alone students that were younger than them likely experiencing the same lessons. "What's next? They're going to start teaching us how to use the Killing Curse? Merlin knows plenty of angry students would want to start using that on each other sometime soon."

Hestia slowed in her tracks, causing Astoria to hang back with her.

"Look, I don't like it any more than you do—but you're not making it any easier for me and Flora to keep you from being punished in front of all those other students." Hestia complained, although she retained a more patient tone compared to Flora. "We can only protect you for as much as we possibly can. You have to stop doing this, or at least hold your tongue until the end of lessons. Please, for your safety and if you wish to keep your life."