Paper Hearts

42

|| Lucas ||

I didn't see her for months. When Victoria Hemmings said something, she meant it. I went to school and never even caught a glimpse of her, worked endless hours at The Grey and never saw her come in. I even went to the desperate measure of spending my free time doing homework in our usual ice cream shop, which was a shot in the dark, considering Grayson was delving into cold weather and therefore lacked a need for ice cream.

I tried to distract myself from the space that was left behind by dating around. I hooked up with girls left and right-like I used to, back in the day, back before I met her. There was no commitment required; they all claimed that they would be the ones to change me and my notorious ways.

But they couldn't. None of them could. I left behind more broken hearts than I'd ever had in my entire life. There were now countless amounts of people who I was sure cursed my name. My parents didn't quesiton what had happened with Victoria, and her sudden disappearance from my life―and neither did Nolan, but that was probably due to his newfound relationship with Rachael Whims. I didn't want to bother him, anyways, he seemed really content, and his trips to group therapy had lessened immensely. In a way, I was proud of the guy―he'd finally found something more important than his problems and messed-up past.

Me? I'd never been more miserable in my entire life.

I wasn't sure if it was her or the absence of her. Was it just because I was missing a staple in my everyday routine, or because I was missing her as an individual? I couldn't decipher my feelings between the loss of Victoria Hemmings or the loss of what we had been through together.

It was strange, really. I had spent all this time preparing myself, telling myself that I hadn't even been that invested, that the entire thing had just been another one of my games, just something to keep me interested until I moved on.

But, somehow, it ran deeper than that. I didn't just enjoy our time together; I needed it. When she was in trouble, I wasn't just concerned; I was terrified. When she smiled, I didn't just like the way it looked; I wanted to make her look that way, all the time, every day.

Victoria Hemmings took everything I did to the extreme. She took what would have been minor to a level of majority. She made every little second feel like hours, and every little word feel like a lifetime of stories. The way we talked, the way we shared, the way we fit just right together, hand-in-hand, side-by-side. Losing her was like losing a bit of myself.

And the worst part was that it was all my fault. When she told me she loved me, I couldn't react. I was too prideful, too intent on keeping things fun and passionate, always the one to run at any sign of commitment.

But the truth was, I was afraid of myself. I was afraid of the way of I felt. I was afraid of the grand notion that maybe―just maybe―I loved her, too.

Of course, I never got the chance to say it. I humiliated her. I sent her away. And there was simply no way I could get her back.

After all, there's always a point when the heartbreaker becomes the heartbroken.

_________

The first time I saw her after all that had happened was in The Grey. She came in, laughing, with Rachael beside her. My head shot up at the sound; I fought back an audible gasp as her eyes turned from her friend to me, and they widened ever-so-slightly. Rachael looked suddenly uncomfortable, and whispered something, to which chose nodded, turning away and walking out.

I just stood there. I wasn't entirely sure what to say.

Victoria Hemmings approached the counter with a small, timid smile.