Followed ✓

26

"What's wrong?"

Val stared at me from where we sat on the sofa, her eyes wide with concern. After Danielle threatened me on the street, I only managed to keep my tears at bay long enough to get inside the apartment building. By the time I made it up to our door, however, I was an absolute wreck.

I'd spent the last six months doing everything she demanded, even when I knew it would hurt other people, all because I was afraid of what she'd do if I didn't. I pushed Andrew away at her command, making it seem like I'd turned flighty and self-destructive, and dropped all contact with him even though I wanted to do anything but.

The guilt ate at me, and soon I didn't have to pretend. Miserable for rejecting him, I turned to alcohol and drank away my sorrows. I hated that I helped push him into Danielle's waiting arms, especially given what I knew about her. She was absolutely obsessed with him, according to my research, and she had been for years. @LincolnShepherdFan, as she was known anonymously online, prided herself in being the number one resource for information about him - no matter how invasive. It disgusted me to know the depths of her manipulation, and I hated that I did this to him willingly, but she forced my hand.

"I ran into Danielle outside," I said, using the palm of my hand to brush away tears. "She, uh...nothing. It's nothing."

Val groaned, "It is not nothing, Cait. Something is going on, and it's been for months. You need to tell me - tell somebody - because clearly it isn't getting any better."

"I can't," I insisted. "If I do, people will get hurt. It's not about me, Val. This is bigger than just me."

She grimaced, reaching forward to grab my hand between both of hers, and squeezed reassuringly. Concern etched over her features, I burst into a fresh wave of tears. Everything I was afraid of happening seemed so close now, and I hated to admit that I was terrified. I didn't know what was next, but I couldn't keep holding it all in.

"I saw Andrew," I whispered through my tears. "Yesterday."

Val lifted an eyebrow, confused, "Andrew? What does he have to do with this? Did...did Danielle accuse you of something?"

I nodded, the words sticking like tar in my throat. After six months of living in fear of this girl, admitting the truth to Val was far more painful than it was therapeutic. If she found out that I told Val, who knew what Danielle might do. On the other hand, I couldn't keep living like this. Every step I took felt like I was fighting against the current that pulled me back out to sea, tumbling under the water as waves crashed against me, but I knew I wouldn't last much longer. I needed to tell someone.

"I, uh...a few months ago, after I met Andrew, someone started commenting on my Instagram," I explained to my roommate. "It was horrible stuff. Verbal abuse, racial slurs. Every photo on my account was slammed with comments calling me names and telling me to go kill myself, that kind of stuff."

Val gasped, "And you didn't tell me?"

"I thought it would go away," I shrugged. "People can be assholes, so I thought it was something I just needed to get used to."

"That's not normal, Cait," she replied. "Why didn't you block them?"

I shrugged, "I, um...I was going to. I blocked a few, but it didn't stop. There was this one account that was particularly brutal, but she didn't just leave comments. She..." I paused, taking a deep breath, "...she sent me messages too."

My mind thought back on the first message that Danielle sent me, telling me that if I ignored her she would expose my secret. At first I wasn't certain if I believed her. It's not like I had a horrible past to hide from, but it quickly became evident that what she knew had the potential to hurt the people I cared about. Every subsequent message was laced with that same hatred, and I shivered at the memory of them.

"What does this have to do with Danielle?" Val asked, struggling to connect the dots.

I bit my lip, debating whether or not I should lie, before squeezing my eyes shut for a moment. I'd come this far, and I wasn't going to back down now. Not when I was so close to regaining control over my life.

"It was her," I admitted, opening my eyes. "She's LincolnShepherdFan. She's the one who started messaging me. She, um...she blackmailed me."

Val's eyebrows knit together as my words took a moment to sink in.

"She...blackmailed you?" She asked slowly, enunciating each word carefully. "I don't think I understand."

I exhaled, "She threatened me. It's why I stopped seeing Andrew."

"Because of her?" Val asked incredulously. "Seriously?"

Nodding, I sniffed before brushing away a stray tear. Val glowered, dropping her grip on my hand, before jumping off the sofa and pacing through apartment. She ran her hands through her hair, shaking her head in disbelief, as she mumbled incoherent curse words under her breath.

"So...all of this shit is because of her?" Val repeated. "Danielle?"

"Just...everything relating to Andrew," I clarified. As much as I wanted to blame her on my drinking problem and work issues, those were my own fault and I knew it.

She groaned, "And now she's with him, right? Does he know?"

"No," I replied quickly. "He doesn't know, and he can't know."

"Why not?"

I grimaced, hesitating before answering, "It's complicated."

"Cait, he's dating a fucking psychopath," Val spat out. "She blackmailed you, forced you to stop seeing him, and made you go along with whatever the hell she wanted. She belongs in jail, not modeling for fucking magazines. I think he deserves to know."

"I know, Val," I told her. "Trust me, I know. Why do you think I started drinking so much? I feel so guilty every single day - it's eating away at me from the inside out. I hate that this has happened. I hate that I did this to him, and I want to tell him, but I can't."

Crossing her arms in front of her chest, she turned to face me, "Why not? What's so bad that you let her do this? That you can't tell him the truth about her?"

"Val, I...I can't..." I rambled, suddenly backpedaling.

I'd admitted everything else to her, but telling her why was an entirely different thing. I was horrified of what she might think of me, what she would do if she found out, and what it might mean. This was something that impacted my life, yes, but it was so much more than that. I hated thinking about what my decision to cave to Danielle's threats were doing to Andrew, but the alternative was much worse.

"What?" Val asked, this time lowering her voice as she noticed the fear and hesitation in my voice. "What is so bad that you can't tell me? What is she holding against you?"

"It's not me," I admitted quietly. "It-it's my family."

She looked confused, so I exhaled slowly to calm my nerves. My hands quaked by my sides, so I balled them into tight little fists and dug my nails into my palms. Anything to hold myself together.

"She knows about my family," I elaborated. "My dad...he, um...he got involved with some bad people back home. When my mom was sick, we were desperate for money. Anything to pay the medical bills. But...it all went south when someone died. My dad swears he didn't do it, but the guy he was working for claims he has proof that says otherwise. If my dad comes forward...."

My voice cracked with emotion as I continued, barely keeping the tears at bay.

"He threatened my family," I told her. "If my dad doesn't keep his mouth shut, he'll kill him. I couldn't let that happen. My mom's already gone, and my little brother is only nine, Val. He can't lose his dad too. As much as I like Andrew - I couldn't risk it for some guy."