Hurts Instead

Chapter 9

My mom told me I was selfish. And to you, there was no denying it. I took it too far.

When you walked out that door, I forgot some things.

I forgot how much you loved cars and how it helped you relieve stress. That you were a person who mostly lived life with risks. I forgot how much you really loved your mother, and how it would kill you if anything happened to her. Something did happen and it killed you. A part of you died.

But the other part could have been saved.

And maybe, you would have became complete again. I could have picked up your broken pieces and put them back, just like you did to my heart. I could have done it in a better way, a less selfish way.

But...

Rocky, you should have made that mistake and picked someone else over me. You should have stayed silent and and not have told me you loved me.

Maybe if you didn't...things would have been different.

I loved you and I still do. You were my first friend. My best friend. You still are. You were my love. My first love. You still are.

You were really liked by others, and I wasn't. People had no reason to hate me the way they did before. But now they did.

I was still so selfish, that I ended up wanting to go there where you were and be with you again, but I realized my selfishness had ruined things with you before. And maybe you wouldn't want me to be there.

I only hope you didn't hate me. That you still loved me. And forgave me.

You were with your mother now, and I hoped she was making you brownies up there that reminded you of me.

You thought me something Rocky. You showed me sometimes, things like what we had, lasts.

But other times, it just hurts instead.

Love,

Imani.