For the first time in two weeks I sat at the kitchen table, glaring at my plate while everyone continued eating around me. Jackson made Logan sit somewhere else since he usually sat next to me, so that the chair is empty. As far as I know Jackson still thinks I can’t eat because I lost my appetite, not because I’m trying to lose weight.
I played with my food, rearranging it and separating it so that nothing on my plate touched. I managed to sneak some food to my dogs, but that was because Jackson and Chloe were messing around by the fridge. Now they’re sitting and glancing at me, knowing I can’t eat.
Since I barely left my bed no one’s done the laundry. It’s usually my job, but I don’t want to do it. So that means I’ve run out of sweats and have to walk around in shorts, showing off my disgusting legs. No one’s talked to me since I’ve been back home, which I’m sort of grateful for. If they talked to me, it would only be insults.
“You’re not eating.” Jackson stated, putting down his fork and looking at me. Interrogation time.
“I’m not hungry.” I rubbed Alaska’s head and slipped her a piece of meat, hoping Jackson wouldn’t say anything else.
“You haven’t been hungry for the last two weeks.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, ignoring his pointed stare. He knows. He knows I’m starving.
I shrugged my shoulders and pulled out my sketch pad from underneath my plate. My drawings are the only places I’ve been able to escape to lately and it’s nice knowing no one else can join me.
“How much weight have you lost?” he asked, standing up and getting a soda from the fridge. I’ve only been drinking water and green tea and it’s starting to have an effect on me.
“What do you mean?” I asked. He’s going to flip when he realizes what weight I’m down to. In his eyes, I’ve never been fat. I wish I could see myself like he does.
“You’ve lost weight, Rain-”
“You say it likes it’s a bad thing.”
“It is when you didn’t need to lose weight in the first place.”
I rolled my eyes and scribbled some shapes with a broken pencil, too scared to get up and sharpen it in case I passed out trying to stand. “Yeah, okay.”
He put the soda in front of me, moving my plate of food to the side. “Drink that and I’ll leave you alone.”
I looked down at the can, feeling my heart stop for a split second. 150 calories. I’ll have to walk to the end of the driveway and back to burn half of it off. I can barely sit on the porch without having a panic attack, how am I supposed to walk the driveway by myself?
What do I say? I don’t feel well? Can I make myself throw up right now? What if I start crying?
“Jackson-”
“Drink it.”
I stared at the can for a few minutes and then moved my gaze to Jackson’s face. “No.” I stated firmly, turning back to my sketch book and pressing too hard with my pencil. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t feel well.”
“Bullshit.” He growled. I kept my eyes on my drawing, refusing to acknowledge that he was right. I’m actually surprised it took so long for him to confront me about it.
CITEȘTI
She Paints Pain
Vârcolaci(Trigger Warning) (In editing) Rain's been through hell her whole life. Between her abusive dad, her brother who blames her for everything and the bullies at school, she has it hard. But when things start to settle down and Rain discovers her long l...
