Concupiscence | HS | currently on hold

XXI. The ones you keep close

'We did things, things we will always regrets.'
The  ones you keep close - Matt Simons

Harry stood under the shower head with his eyes closed, letting the flowing hot water drip of his body and cleaning all the sweat and nasty lingering memories of him. He turned around and twisted the knop of the shower to stop the course of the water. After stepping out of it, he reached for the first towel in sight and wrapped it around his waist. The towel was white and fluffy, giving him a sense of surprising comfort he desperately needed. He walked towards the large mirror which hung above two sleek modern sinks and stared at himself.

What had he done?

He didn't recognise the guy standing in front of him. He wasn't the player he used to be, yet he was slowly leaving his love sick puppy days behind him. So what remained of him? He was experiencing an extreme case of identity crisis, not knowing where and when it would end. He had never thought the consequences of falling in love would be so severe. He clearly had misjudged the whole affair.

Yet what Harry thought to be the strangest thing of all, and also the most comforting thing, was that he wasn't afraid of love anymore. He wasn't afraid in the way he used to be, but neither was he afraid of it after everything he had been through.

His way of dealing with heartbreak was different. Instead of only having physical relationships the way he used to before or instead of shutting every possibility of young love out the way Nina did and still does, he simply opted for letting things unfold the way fate wanted. So when he had met Claire, that's exactly what he had done.

He had given her a chance, he had tried to not let the pain and the hurt overrule his actions and simply tried to move on. Luckily when Claire and himself had met up, the things they had experienced together, the moments they had shared, felt just right. No further explanation was necessary. There had never been any reason to deny their very present chemistry.

However the moment Harry had stepped into Claire's house, the usual soothing, easy-going vibes he felt around her, seemed suddenly non-existent. Harry had felt on edge and misplaced, as if he had invaded too much of her privacy by visiting her house. When she had opened her front door and smiled at him, Harry had felt a rush of wind hit him in the gut, the kind that kicked you back into place with a painful sting to the heart.

Whatever they had been doing somehow came to bite him in the arse the minute he passed the threshold of the beautiful Victorian townhouse. He still loved Nina and Claire still loved her ex-husband. So during dinner, as Claire kept chatting about her students and how some of them were lazy shits, he had sensed more and more the true nature of his relationship with Claire. That being a cheap and easy rebound. Nothing more and nothing less.

And that knowledge alone didn't feel right in the least. He had too much respectful for both Claire and himself to behave the way he did. Deep down he knew he didn't mean much more to Claire than she did to him. They had clicked, they had bonded, yet that was all. They could be friends, maybe even great friends, but certainly nothing more. So when both victims of the broken heart disease sat next to each other on Claire's sofa in front of her cozy fire, the touch of Claire's hand on Harry's thigh hadn't felt as appealing as it usually should have felt in said situations.

But being the stubborn boy Harry was, he had temporarily pushed his new reflections aside and went along with whatever Claire was initiating next to him. He had kissed her back when he saw the beautiful brunette leaning in at that exact moment, permitting her hands to run along his chest up to the back of his neck to pull him closer and deepen their kiss.

He had shifted his head for optimal results. Claire's tongue had felt soft against his own on the one hand, but too rough on the other hand, very different from the caring and gentle caresses Nina used to reward him with.