ENVY// AMBW

9.

We were still at the Poetic Slam. Many people were telling their poems, all of them were of grace and beauty. There I sat, captivated by the words that were spoken by those that have loved and those that were betrayed, of those that were heartbroken.

With each word thrown into the air, I caught and held onto each one. I was reeled into the waves of emotions that every person gave me. I was too hypnotized to eat, food was the last thing on my mind.

I never realized that Luna and Sarafina got up to dump their trays leaving me and Namjoon together again.

"You should go up there," Namjoon motioned to the stage. The girl was just finishing up. I had so much sympathy for the brunette haired girl even though I never met her.

I turned around," I wouldn't know what to say if I were to go up there." I looked down at my food and started playing with it. I'm not hungry...

"Surely you have a story to tell. Everyone does, including myself. You should go up there." He coaxed me. I shook my head no. I don't want to tell my story. It's too depressing.

"I don't want to share it. It's just a bunch of depressing stuff." Why does he want me to get on stage so bad?

"Pretend as if you're talking to me...only me." He offered. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he wasn't going to let it go any time soon. "Okay. I'll go." He smiled brightly.

I nervously went up to the announcer and told him that I would go next. What the fuck am I doing with my life? "Ije ulineun geunyeouisileul jegonghagi wihae mudaee ollassseubnida." The announcer said on the speaker. Talk to him.

I walked onto the stage.

Why am I doing this? I don't even know this dude.

I found him out of the crowd looking into his eyes. Speak from the heart...

"I don't really speak much
But when I do
It's usually sharp like daggers
Coated with poison

I lick the blades that I have become immune to
Hiding behind a false image
Wearing a face of someone else
And not my own

Keep going. You got this...

Trained to believe that someones skin
Is better than my own

Not once have I thought to be myself
For myself is not beautiful, not perfect
That's all I strive to be

Breathe...just breathe Nala.

Lost in a world of imperfection
And jagged love
Never have I felt this
And quite honestly, I don't think I ever will.

Who will ever love someone like me
Some that cannot even find it within
To love their own skin

I feel like I'm going to throw up...

I finished the poem looking down at my feet ashamed. An enormous round of applaused errupted from the crowd. I walked off. I shouldn't have done this.

I walked back to the table and sat down in silence. Luna and Sarafina made it back and conversed with each other in peace beside each other. I'd have to sit next to Namjoon.

"Your poem was very good." I felt so numb; my mind was empty and yet my heart was filled with this unexplainable heaviness. No words could explain how I felt.

How could this one person make me confess so quickly?

I looked over at him---he was still looking at me. My heart leaped out of my chest as my eyes watered. Don't cry. Please don't cry Amara...please. Not here.

Despite my attempts, tears began to fall down my face. "Is that truly how you feel?" Namjoon asked, wiping away a falling tear off of my face soothingly. I couldn't answer him, my emotions swirling in too many directions.

"Come with me." He got up and offered his hand. I took it reluctantly not thinking about the consequences.

Little did I know, this was going to be the night that changed my life forever.

Translation:
Ije ulineun geunyeouisileul jegonghagi wihae mudaee ollassseubnida= Now we have Nala getting on stage to give her poem.

*Please correct me if I'm wrong*

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