ENVY// AMBW

11.

Mommy: How's Korea? Lord have mercy I haven't heard from you in ages and I bet not one time you thought about checkin' on me!
12:15pm

Momma, Korea is amazing! The people here are nice and my Korean has improved so much & I'm sorry I haven't had time to check up on ya and my old man...college is hard work.
12:16pm

Mommy: Well I'm glad you're doin fine baby girl, now Sauda I'm gonna need you to do me a favor (oh and your daddy's doin' fine---gettin' on my nerves but fine.)
12:18pm

Yes? What is it ma??
12:18pm

Mommy: I need you, no matter what, to go get whatever you want. Travel the world, be better than me and your father ok? I want you to know that I love you.
12:23pm

Yes, mama. I got this! And I love you more. I gtg. Byee♡♡
12:23pm

I smiled putting my phone up in my back pocket walking down the now familiar streets. I had just finished one of my classes and was heading back to my dorm. At least one person loves me...

I remember back in highschool just a few months ago. Walking down the narrow and crowded hallways, all I could hear were the murmurs as I walked past the small cliques that stood near the lockers. "She is literally so ugly."

"I bet all Africans are as dark as her. I'm surprised she's not starving over there." The group laughed.

" I heard that she eats bananas all the time because she's 75% gorilla."

"She sucks dicks for money to get skin bleach." Tears welled up in my eyes and I ran to the bathroom. I went into the biggest stall and sat on the ground scattering my books. Why does everyone hate me? I heard the door open and close, a bunch of girls coming in and talking loudly. "Did you see her run in the bathroom crying? O.M.G she is so pathetic!" They all laughed. They knew I was in here.

"Nobody will ever love you...ever!"

Nobody will ever love me...ever.

I didn't realize that I was crying until I got into my dorm. Taking off my shoes, I wiped my tears away, discarding the memories that will never fade away.

I never knew why being a different skin time or color was such a big deal. We are all people searching for endless love and validation. We search and search until the end of our time when we can no longer feel. Lost, I am, amongst every soul that feels not good enough---I'm just another number waiting to get called into not nothingness. My past haunts me every time I close my eyes and yet I still cannot escape it. I am dark like the night embedded with gems and sparkles glistening in the sky. Why is this such a problem?

I plopped on the bed. I can feel my self inflicting depression coming back. I sighed. Namjoon. I opened my eyes now alert. The box! I got up and strode to the hiding location. It's still there, I sighed in relief. Suddenly, the door opened revealing Luna. She gave me a hard, ice cold glare. She hates me just like everyone else.

She sat down at her desk facing me. She never uttered a sound but her eyes shot daggers at me while.I walked around the room. "Is there something that I can help you with?" I asked annoyed. If you're going to stare at me, at least say hey or something. Rude!

She spun around rolling her eyes, her back now facing me.

"Okay! Look, I dont know what your problem is or what I did wrong but don't treat me like crap because of your own personal issues!" She turned back around with a disgusting look on her face. "You don't know anything about him!" Well, don't you think I know that? "I think I got that part down, thank you! But what is your problem? What's the big deal about Namjoon?"

She got up from her chair and came threateningly close to me. "You wouldn't believe it even if I told you." She whispered and smirked resulting in a frown. Fine, don't tell me! My jaw clenched and I could feel tears forming in my eyes. For some reason I felt like I had to defend him and yet I've only known him for a couple of weeks. I have to go talk to him.

It was a very cold day. Where am I even going? I don't even have a way to contact him. This is useless. She knows something I don't. Great. I shivered; I didn't even bring my jacket. I was too mad that it didn't even cross my mind to bring one. I stood there as other students walked past me, some smiling and nodding their heads at me acknowledging my presence.

Before you know it, I started walking. I had no idea where I was going, letting my mind wander off to distant places no where near reality. I walked and I walked thinking about my past and what I wished would have been different. My skin would be one, but there's no way I could change that. There's so many things going on that's way worse in the world and I'm complaining over my skin. Pathetic.

There was a bench nearby so I decided to sit there and think things through.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."

Lies. That whole quote is a lie. A lie formed by society's blindness to the real world. Malicious words are always being slashed around as more lies of this so called "love" is thrown around so effortlessly. Overused phrases, but nobody ever noticed.

I need help...

"Annyeong. What are you doing sitting here all alone?" I looked up to see Namjoon. I didn't expect him to be here until I looked around and realized that I unconsciously walked to his special spot. "Just thinking here." I said carelessly. "Without a jacket? You're going to get sick, Nala." He sat down beside me and smiled caringly.

"What are you thinking?" I shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh, you know...just stuff." Namjoon nodded, taking note of this. "Does it have something to with the other night?" I stayed silent for a while trying to collect my thoughts. "It's personal."

"You said that last time. It must be very personal then." He smiled, his dimple and bright white teeth showing. I nodded my head again.

"I need your help..."

"Depends on what it is, Nala." He said looking me in the eyes. My heart jumped again. It's almost as if everytime he looks me in the eyes, he can see right through me.

"Please, Namjoon...please help me." I told him imploringly.

I need your help.

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