sentient // phan

http//: 10

I held up another shirt, this one in blue. "I like this one, too." He chuckled as he held up the same one.

"I think I've figured out your tastes, Phil." He said, and slung it over his arm with the rest of the ones I had picked out. I had told him the colours were very pretty, as I had never seen anything but strict monochrome. I also said that I liked the way my jumpsuit felt on my legs, so he suggested skinny jeans- the kind he wore. I tried on a pair, along with a blue button up. He smiled as I emerged from the dressing rooms, biting his index finger.

"Wonderful." He said, clapping his hands. I smiled, and spun slowly so he could see it. He nodded, taking quick steps toward me. He was right in front of me, and our eyes locked for a second. He reached up and brushed my hair aside. Then, when I resisted the impulse once again to kiss him, he cleared his throat and took a step back.

"You look more human than me." He replied. I grinned.

"Why thank you, sir." He waved his hand as I went back into the small changing room, shutting the curtain quickly.

"Enough of this 'sir' crap. It's Dan." I peeled off my shirt and put it back on the hangar with a glance at myself in the mirror.

I was transfixed by the pale form I saw within it, and brought my eyes back to it. I hung up the shirt and stood before the mirror, raising my hand again. I had seen myself before, of course, but this was different. I ran my hand delicately from my shoulder to my stomach, my brain sending out shock waves that reminded me that my fingers were cold. My breath caught in my throat as I pressed my fingers to my collarbone, running them up my throat. I gently fingered the latch on the side of my ribs. Wires ran beneath my skin all along my naked chest and pulsed with electricity every other second.

"Is everything okay, Phil?" Dan asked softly. I blinked, snapping out of my trance.

"What? Yeah, sorry." I began to pull off my jeans, avoiding looking back in the mirror.

"You don't have to try anything else on if you don't want." Dan said. "You can wear something out of the store; we're going to lunch next." I held the jeans in my hands, running my hands along them, trying to feel. Trying to actually feel, even though I wasn't supposed to know what that was like.

"Yeah. Okay." I said, pulling on a different pair of jeans. I ran my hands along my legs, beginning at my hips. I sat on the delicate cushioned stool to pull on my boots.

I didn't know what I felt. I didn't know if anything I felt was real or forced- I didn't even know what real meant. I didn't know why I wanted to feel, I didn't know why I existed. As much as I waned to, I didn't know anything. I researched for hours but I still asked tonnes of questions. I lived with Dan and was still learning new things about him. I wanted to be human but my bones were made of steel.

I wanted to be human. Was I even allowed to think that?

I emerged from the dressing room, all of my chosen clothing in hand.

"Cool. Let's pay." Dan said, obviously sensing my melancholy mood. The second we reached the counter, the clerk, whose name was Tyler according to his newly adorned name tag, rings us up, keeping his eyes down.

"Thank you. Have a nice day." I said as we left. He smiled, a weird twinkle in his eye.

"You... too." He shook his head, a chuckle bubbling from his lips. "Never been told that by a droid before." He smiled to Dan, who was looking at me. If I was human, I would have turned red, like he did sometimes. "Day full of firsts."

"Yeah." Dan said. He tucked his hands into his pockets, still looking into my eyes, which I felt spinning. "Sure is." I grabbed the bag Tyler held out to me and followed Dan through the door. We took the escalator down and began to walk along the street. It was late in the day now, nearly 4:00, and Dan was hungry. He also had these other emotions I couldn't gauge. I didn't know what it meant, all I knew is that his happiness was up, and that was, I hoped, because of me. Dan kept his hands in his pockets and kicked a pebble. I looked down.